I'm seriously thinking about doing something very very soon

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ace, Apr 19, 2007.

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  1. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Yes the thought of it actually makes me very very happy and relaxed if I can get to sleep forever it will be beautiful.I need this so badly and I have a few ideas in mind and am going to stop the prolonging on this shitty ongoin pain of existance bye bye everyone.:sad:
  2. crzykidshanana

    crzykidshanana Well-Known Member

    It would be better if you didn't.
  3. Resolutionary

    Resolutionary Member


    My brother killed himself 2 years ago. He was 23. My family and i will never recover. He decided to try and hang himself, but then when that didn't pan out he drove to the train tracks and put his head down on the railing. The conductors saw him but they couldn't stop in time. It was so brutal that we never had a funeral or saw his body. I'm sure his spirit was quiet just before he did it. but he threw his pain into our closets for that exchange.

    So what should i do now? Kill MYself? my chances of doing it successfully are high since my brother completed it. What would you suggest, ace? My pain is real and i have good reason. What should I do?

    Do you see what happens when one person starts it?
  4. Flight

    Flight Well-Known Member

    Death isn't sleep. None of us know what lies beyond that great veil. Maybe it is more lonely and horrible than even this life...

    Go to sleep, *real* sleep. Sleep for a long time, as long as you want. Cancel your obligations - just sleep. Don't worry about a thing. This silly world will wait for you.

    Remember that you are the most important person in the world. From your own perspective, that's how it should be. No one else matters as much as you.

    Rest well, friend, and come back tomorrow to tell us of your dreams.
  5. Erebos

    Erebos Well-Known Member

    Please get help immediately, ace. There are many people who care for you. Stay strong.
  6. hessbz12

    hessbz12 Member

    But see that's the thing...I do that all the time. Just did it today. Called off work, slept all day. Just got out of bed at 6pm. My problem is still there. Work is still there. Obligations are still there. I don't think the world will wait on me. I am 27 years old. If I don't have a job, then I can't support myself and won't have insurance for the therapists and psychiatrist I go to and for the medications. That is the thing. Sleep won't solve anything. At least for me. I wish the world would wait on me. I want that so bad.
  7. Flight

    Flight Well-Known Member

    You are still alive in the here and now. That's what is important.

    Next is finding a way to enjoy your time, even if it's a tedious chore like work, there is still always something to look forward to. A dinner out, a video game, the weekend, whichever.

    Taking time off when you really need it is vital for mental health; but no, it won't pay the bills. Hopefully while you slept you could let go of some of your anxiety though.

    If you can forget about bills and whatnot for a bit, that still helps. But if you can't forget about them, then it doesn't really feel like time off, does it? Just time to sit and worry.

    So sometimes you need to forget, even if it doesn't get you anywhere in 'the long run.' Most of the time, 'the long run' is a lot less important than it seems.

    Life is always a balance of things, including a good self indulging sleep; it can't exist as an extreme for long. Maybe you can talk to your therapist about careers that might be more exicting for you (if that's a problem). That might at least make work something to look forward to. Then it's kind of like you are getting paid for something you don't mind doing. And those jobs *are* out there.

    Well, I'll stop my hijack of this thread. Apologies.
  8. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Yes I know what affect it would have on loved one's but no one understand's the pain I'm in,sorry I'm not being selfish it's just the pain is all too much here.I don't want people to feel pain at my expense but I've been living with this shit for far too long.:sad:
  9. Cornishgirl

    Cornishgirl Member

    Im not sure whether I should even say this or if its at all appropriate but before when I've had conversations with my friends about suicide (not specifically my plans because nobody really knows about that) the stock response is 'its selfish'. And although I totally understand that viewpoint and I nod along with them, in my head I think thats its selfish of them to want someone to go on living in utter misery and hopelessness just so that they don't have to deal with the after effects.

    I genuinely hope that hasn't offended anyone, I just thought I'd offer another viewpoint.
  10. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    They can say it's selfish all they want I say step into my shoes for a little while and see what it's like and live my pain.:sad: :mad:
  11. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    Send your shoes to me, I'll wear them. :smile:
    Take care! :hug:
    Please pm me if you leave, ok?
  12. flame45

    flame45 Member

    Cornish, I know what you are talking about. When Kurt Cobain killed himself in 1994, I actually felt more sorry for him than his family. I thought that I really understood. Everyone else was saying that he was a loser, but I didn't think so. I thought that he was just really overwhelmed.
  13. hessbz12

    hessbz12 Member

    I totally agree with you to the 100th degree. I've been saying this for years. Yes, it would hurt the people I love, but I am so tired of going through this pain for so long. I haven't been able to enjoy my life for as long as I can remember. Very few people can understand how it feels to wake up everyday and count the hours until you get to go to sleep again and when you are lying in bed, freak out about waking up in the morning. That is how my life is. I am never comfortable. Never. Why does one need to stay alive if they are NEVER comfortable? What is the point of that? I have been someone who cares so much about what others think and how others feel for my whole entire life. And that is probably the reason I have never really thought suicide would help. But the longer I see doctors and the more I try and the more I try different medications the more I think about suicide, because for some reason I feel like I will never get well and my brain will never work the way it is supposed to. I've been this way for so long. I feel so uncomfortable and scared all the time that I can barely have my eyes open. I don't want to die. I really, really, really don't. I just want to feel ok and have my brain work correctly and feel comfortable and not like I am gonna go crazy and lose it every second of every day. How can someone live like that? With barely any breaks? Ever? All I want is someone to answer that for me. That is all. I try to talk to God, but obviously I get no answer. Doctors can't give me an answer. My parents can't give me an answer. No one can. People keep telling me that only I can answer it. That it is all in me. I just don't get that. I just want to be ok. That is it. Please.
  14. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Yes exactly I'm always miserable like fuckin shit I get happy for about some 30 seconds and I'm back to being so depressed again.I've tried fuckin everything Electro shock therapy,fuckin all these types of meds,Therapy it doesn't work it just doesn't.My depression is that bad the bi Polar and my most other serious problem is my bio dismorphic disorder it's so fuckin shit,I can take the Ocd that's not the worst of it.I want and need to be at peace no one understand the daily torment I'd rather anything else than this shit give me cancer god if there is one out there Now because I'm fuckin outa this place anyway!:mad: :sad:
  15. hessbz12

    hessbz12 Member

    I know man, me too. It sucks. I don't know what to do. I don't know what exactly I have. But it involves depression, anxiety, some OCD, intense depersonalization, intense detachment from myself and my surroundings and intense depressive thinking. I have tried alot of medication, alot of therapy. I've gotten a sleep study. I've gotten a cat scan. I am supposed to see a neurosurgeon in a couple weeks, but I doubt anything will come out of that. I've never felt more trapped in my life then I do right now. I pray to God so much just to ease it up just a tad. That is it. That is all I want. But I never get an answer. Just to feel better for a little bit. That is all. And I can't even get that. It's nonsense. And horrible. I don't even have a clue of what to do.
  16. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Yes it's so shit to the full extreme all I want is to be fuckin happy is that to much to ask for?for fuck sake 99.99% of the time I'm that depressed and it's more of a use for me being dead than alive.:sad: :mad:
  17. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    It's good to see you didn't go through with it:smile:
  18. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I haven't gone through with it yet.:sad:
  19. Cybrsk8r

    Cybrsk8r Well-Known Member

    I think about it alot. I just want to be sure that when I do it, I do it right so I don't just end up in a hospital with brain or other organs damaged.
  20. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    same here I just want no more existance because another minute of this shit is already pain enough.:sad:
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