im sick and i lost everythinh

why am i living? what's the point? there's no turning back time and there's no cure for my mental disease. ive decided to comit early 2016, again. i'm a horrible person anyway. im very self fish. anyway- ive made a bucket list: a realistic bucket list-
my last bits of fun before i go
-make a final record, finally. (in vinyl and cassette form. sign some and give them to family and friends so it would be valuable after my death- yea right who are we kidding? it'll still be worthless after. let me know)
-travel (anywhere my lil bit of $ lets me)
-donate an organ alive (already signed up for o.d.)
-climb an easy mountain (wish i had strength to do one of the himilayas, or even whitney here in california)
-donate one full day to each family/friend
-see a bear, from safe distance (this time actually see it)
-get the courage to speak or write a passage into middle school and high school newspaper about the awarness of mental illnesses and to GET HELP before it's much worse.

i'm not afraid of dying. in fact, i cannot wait. i cant wait for my brain to finally shut off. i've been wanting death since i was 9 years old, i've finally come in turns with my self at the age of 26 and honored my long decision. looking at my life back, i was born the way i am to end myself. i'm not worthy of repopulation nor am i qualified.


<Mod Edit:Against guidelines>

 

Hello! I am new so apologize if I am not very helpful but sometimes us "depressed types" or whatever you want to call us are all we have. Few understand what life is like for us. Some even judge us very harshly. Most painful of all for me it has left me feeling alone and helpless. My hope is coming here will help me, maybe the same can be for you too.
From your bucket list it seems you enjoy life's simple pleasures and get most joy simply being with the ones you love. I don't see why you can't have all that joy and more.

I am not sure what has got to you to the point where you feel so unworthy of life or that the pain is so bad you feel you must leave. Would you care to share?

I don't want to be pushy and ask more questions so will just stop here and say there is hope, it's not always easy but people do care about you.

Bliss

P.S. If you want to message me you may . Hang in there, you never know what life has in store for you next.

 

Hello there. It's very interesting for me to see how we view ourselves versus what's actually going on. You're telling me you're selfish and bad but your bucket list includes some very generous and giving acts. I hope you get to experience all of these things. You must want them for a reason, you know? Maybe they can give you some sort of peace or happiness with yourself.

My mental disorders are also likely incurable and will be part of me for the rest of my life in some capacity. I also yearn for my brain to "shut off" for good. It's very scary and I wrestle with it everyday but there are other people like us. Even if the rest of the world doesn't get it and wants to judge us for things out of our control, we can find little pockets of similar people who will understand. I think this is one of those places.

If you'd like to keep sharing, I'm listening. I care about your life because we're part of the same "tribe" in a sense. The endurance and bravery of other mentally ill people is what helps me find it in me to keep going too.

 

I am also living for this.