Im sick of everything

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Hurted, Feb 9, 2008.

  1. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    First... i am so sorry to bother you with my stupid problems on every sub forum... this post will be very stupid, so you dont have to read... i just want to write everything...

    Im so sick of everything... Im sick that everyone is calling me fagg in school, im sick that everyone is telling me how ugly i am, im sick that i cant loose that fucking 10 kg, im sick that i will cut myself today, im sick of my social disorder, im sick that i cant eat relaxed even when im alone, im sick that i smoke so much, im sick that i hurt my mother all the time, im sick that i cant have girlfriend, im sick that my friends dont aprecciate me, im sick that i bother you so much, im sick of depression...

    I dont know anymore... I tryed... to act normal, to not smoke so much, to lose weight, to find girlfriend, to increase self esteem... but i failed... i failed everywhere... I am big looser, a failure... I dont see point in trying agian, i mean i cant change nothing... If i would only have 1 person, which would love me, which wouldnt make fun out of me or talk behind my back... I am not perfect, but i can love strongly... I have so much love to give to someone, but noone wants to accept it...

    I am worse everyday... I becoming paranoical, i even hurt voices yesterday... i cant sleep, im tired, i am sad, hopeless...

    Why doesnt nobody love me? I never hurt anyone really... I tryed to be me, but more i was me, less people accept me... Even when im hiding behind mask, people think that im strange...

    If i look one day forward, i dont know what will happen... I live in past, or in my dreams... at least i did it... in past 2 years... i just turn on music and imagine that i have girlfriend, that im sussecfull....

    It was so good 2 years ago... I lose weight, i had high self esteem, many plans for future... But now... I dont know what will happen 2 hours later...
    Im trapped inside of me, i cant escape, i even dont trying...

    I still love her... after 16 months... weird, isnt it? When i see her i still want to be with her... she would be cure for everything... I love her so much...

    If i could only start again...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 9, 2008
  2. daytona0

    daytona0 Active Member

    You lost weight before? Just from that you seem like a person with a lot of strength capable of many great things.

    I know how horrible such a situation can be, but the most important thing you can do right now is get strength from the people who truly love you - your mother, the one who would stand by you no matter what. You love your mother deep down dont you? Your not intentionally hurting her are you?

    Think back 2 years when you said you lost the weight and had high esteem. What motivated you back then? If you could just harness that motivation one last time you can overcome all of this in no time at all!

    :hugs:
     
  3. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Well yeah... i lost 30 kg... thats why i had high self esteem, i had very low before it... what was motivation? Well to look good... but i lose hope now... because everything since then fail...
    About mother... i love her and she love me but i always do something wrong...:sad: