im sick of it all

i am sick of people telling me it'll be alright,, im sick of people making out they understand when they dont,,, i dont want people to understand,,,im just ashamed.

im sick of people saying the stress of the court case must feel overwhelming,,,,,,,

im sick of people telling me how frustrated i must feel,, im sick of people saying i must feel so hurt, so betrayed, so alone,,,

im sick of people comparing me to other people,,,

its been tearing away at me for so long,,,,,

it isnt any of that i feel,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

i simpley feel numb

ive tried,, ive hung on for months,,,,,,,in those few months ive tried everything to inject a little life into me,, hell i even walked on burning embers, i did a fire walk and a glass walk,,,,i passed my bike test and got a huge sexy super sports bike (that i use for nde's)
ive done and tried as many difrent things as i can, trying each time to get some enthusiasm (which i do find i might add) and desire for life.....

for it soon starts to wain,,, it simpley isnt enough,, none of it is enough to save me from this pit of sh~it ive got myself in,,,

everyday i smile
everyday i laugh
everyday i wish i was dead

 

People care about you and they probably don't know what to say. Sometimes things people say make matters worse, sometimes better. Saying ''Things will get better'' is people trying to give you a sense of optimism. Just remember that because you feel so bad now, things will have to get better.

 

for 2 years things have just got worse, and as bad as they are,, they can do nothing but get worse over the next two months,, they could get that worse i loose everything and everyone i ever loved,,,,,,,,feels like i already have.

one thing is for sure, ill carry this for the rest of my life, i cant ever get back wwhat i have lost.

where do you go?

when things seem completley lost and hopeless and it is assured that they can only go downhill from here,,,and where your standing, that place right now,, is the best its going to get for a while,, where do you go?