I'm sick of life

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sparrow91, Aug 25, 2014.

  1. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    My body can't handle the stress anymore, the anxiety the sadness everything! I know everyone else has their own problems and I hate to bother people about mine, I'm so terribly miserable now and this is my only "therapy".... I know that's what people say, sparrow get help go to the doctors etc... I can't I just can't and no one can help me, no one gets it.. No one cares.. I want to die but I'm scared and sometimes I just don't want too.... I fucking hate this shit and I'm fed up... I'm tired of sleepless night and laying at home all day I'm tired of feeling pressure , I'm tired of being hostile and upset... I'm tired of my emotions bouncing around like a ball on a court I'm so fucking sick of this shit... I'm sorry for being selfish and asking you guys for constant help, you have no reason to help me you have no care in the world to bother with me.... Just forget about me because there's no use in me...
    No people in my daily lives have no idea what I'm going through my feelings are like genie in a bottle and only come out on paper , no I'm not an angry and mean person, I'm a nice girl with the tendency to put everyone's needs before mine, I want to help people why can't I fucking help my self... I'm want to hack away at my arms and legs, let myself bleed and forget about this emotion that builds up in side... I've been told I'm bipolar hah! Who knows but these emotions I can't do it! Who can live like this ... I try sooooooo hard but No matter what , I'm just a fuck up I can never get perfection it's never enough! I can't do this anymore

    I'm sorry
  2. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry if I came off rude to anyone I guess that's why I put it in the rants, I know some of you have tried to talk to me... I'm just sorry.. I hope everyone can find there peace of mind , happiness whatever you're searching for...

    I just don't feel like anything is true...
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Nah, you didn't come off as rude, sometimes people just don't know what to say. I'm curious though, why are you so against going to the doctors? Had I never went I would not be here writing this now. You need to be honest with yourself and whoever you want to help you.NO ONE should suffer in silence. But I do understand if it's time you need. There are so many medications for anxiety, if you're against getting professional help completely then I would say just keep talking and letting it all out. No harm in talking, thinking of you! :hug: How do you know you are bipolar though? Also I am the same as you, I always put others first and that is a great way to be, if everyone were that way the world would be a wonderful place! :hug:
  4. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    It's not that I'm against doctors it's that It can be costly, not only that but I'm still on my parents insurance that means they would know and I don't want people to know , it's not easy to explain to people like my parents because then they want to know why and push for answers, they are good parents but they just don't know how to handle certain situations ... I went to therapy in my teens because my mom wanted to know what was wrong with me I hated it, therapy wanted me to talk to my mom and she wanted to know how my individual talks went... I can't do that again let alone I don't want to be eliminated from certain job options considering they require stable people, I'm stable I think I just don't think they will see that way if I go to therapy...(in the USA) the qualifications can be rigorous
    Therapy would probably be beneficial but I can't go through the whole family knowing extravaganza that I went through before it's uncomfortable and it's stressful on my parents and on me considering I'll feel like I have no privacy, (parents are extremely overprotective and I'm in my 20's! That's why I need a job to get out ) I love them and all but I need space to breathe...
    I don't know if I am bipolar.. People have told me they think I am, I know the symptoms etc. (I have a degree in psych which is funny cause I can't understand my problems) but it's not good to self diagnose and that's why I said who knows, I could be I could not be...

    Maybe I'm just being difficult idk anymore
  5. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    And thank you petal for responding, I was starting to feel really lonely
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Your parents sound like lovely people, the fact they are over protective and so caring is awesome, a lot of people do not have that. But, I do see where you are coming from you want your privacy, is it possible to tell your mom or dad that you want to go to therapy and that you are safe and okay and they have nothing to worry about, or make an excuse that is it is something to do with your qualifications. I'm not sure what I would do in that situation to be honest. But hopefully someone might have a bright idea to get around this! And you are welcome! :hug:

    Oh and also, never good to self diagnose, 'cos then you will be looking up the treatments/symptoms etc..and trying to get yourself out of something that you may not even have. I have seen that happen many times!

    Best of luck to you my friend :)