i'm sick of this

[Allie123]

Ugh, so I'm watching an America's Next Top Model marathon (guilty pleasure I know :tongue and it bugs me how when they're in the house it they show them all in the kitchen eating (like bread and eggs and stuff!). And I'm thinking yeah, right. They're all stick thin.

And I fast all the time and I'm sitting here dizzy ... but still disgustingly fat. I'm kind of sick right now with a cold, so that's probably it... but I tried to walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water and I barely made it I was so lightheaded.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I don't think I actually have an eating disorder... if I did, why wouldn't I be thin? I'm sorry if this comes off as obnoxious to those of you with legit eating disorders. I'm just so tired.

 

[Patch]

this probably isn't helpful at all in any way, but...

its their freakin metabolism not that I'm jealous....

 

[Ruby]

Ah, I know how you feel.

Haha my brother decided to eat mcdonalds infront of me whilst I sat drinking evian water.

How long have you been fasting for?

 

[savetoniqht]

Regardless of whether you have a legitimate ed or not, I think that show drives everyone crazy. It's everyone's guilty pleasure, but it makes everyone feel like crap about themselves. I watch it every Wednesday even though I know exactly what it's going to do to me. Pisses me off too.

 

[Allie123]

Ah, I know how you feel.

Haha my brother decided to eat mcdonalds infront of me whilst I sat drinking evian water.

How long have you been fasting for?

Not long, 2 or 3 days I think. My problem is that I have absolutely no will power and I can't just eat a little. If I eat a little, it makes me hungrier and I just eat like crazy. So my normal routine is that I fast for about 3 days, break the fast and eat like a pig for a day or two, and then repeat.

Last night I broke the fast, I was feeling really dizzy and was surrounded by Easter candy (I'm home on spring break) so I decided to eat one chocolate. Which turned into like 20 pieces of chocolate. I felt so sick, I tried to purge but I can't do it. (I know it's probably a blessing in disguise because if I could I would probably do it all the time)

The good news is I'm going back to school soon and I have a crap load of work to do... so no more tv time for me =)

 

[BOLIAO]

I was an obese kid. I used to cry myself to sleep because I hated myself being so fat. Every day, I would tell myself I would not eat so much the following day but when I get hungry, I would lose control. Then after eating, I would tell myself that I wouldn't eat so much during the next meal. But when the next meal time comes, I would get really hungry and overeat again. Then at night I would tell myself tomorrow, I would eat less. So this went on and on for years and I was very unhappy with my life and kept asking god why why why. Then I overheard how my mum who is a 'diet' freak maintained her weight. She would stick a finger to her throat when she overate and I started to make myself puke. I became bulimic.

For years, I blamed and hated myself. I couldn't control my eating and I made promises to myself after eating each meal which I never fulfilled due to being unable to control myself. I look at my friends who had a god time and felt so inferior.

Inside the obese body of mine was a thin man wanting to come out of it but I didn't know how. All I knew was that I missed many 'chances' my fit friends had and never had a relationship. Even the girls that I like would never give me a chance because I was so obese.

at 16, I really fancied a girl. I confessed my feelings to her and she got a shock and avoided me ever since. I became the laughing stock of my school and was extremely embarassed. I would have hid my face in the toilet bowl if I could. Because of 'love' I decided enough was enough. I was going to do something about it. I was going to slim down for 'her' hahaha. BUT it was a great motivator. For about a year, I spent hours in the gym, never thinking of anything but working out in order to be fit and so that she would consider me. That incident and 'girl' changed my life. From an obese kid, I was transformed to a well-built guy. Lost all the fats and clothes begun to hang on my body instead of being wrapped n stretched. I looked good and my self-confidence came and those was one of the happiest time of my life.

TO those of you who are overweight and depressed, Find a cause so big that you would do anything to slim down to achieve it. Perhaps love, perhaps wanting to be in a relationship. All I can say is that love can move mountains. Love is the greatest thing of all and for that sake, start doing something instead of being sad. Being sad wont change a thing about your weight but doing something would. I did it and so can you.

 

[Ruby]

Alison, I broke my fast last night too (after five days). I ended up purging and exercising at 2am in a desperate attempt to get rid of the calories/fat. I've been eating lots of fruit today because i've heard it can speed up the metabolism? I can't stop worrying that i'll gain the weight that I lost during the fast (around 6 lbs)

Also, it's good that you didn't purge. It's a horrible habit :sad:

 

[Allie123]

Boliao - Thanks for sharing that story with me. It's good to hear success stories! :biggrin: Personally, I was actually really skinny as a kid. At the time, I thought I was fat because I weighed more then all my friends, but it's because I'm obnoxiously tall. Also, I think I have kind of a big frame - broad shoulders and such. My friends and I used to always make friendship bracelets in middle school and I had to make mine way bigger than theirs because I had big wrists.. so I felt so fat. But, I used to dance and I have loads of pictures of me in leotards to prove that I actually was really skinny lol. (It was actually quite shocking when I looked at the pictures a couple years ago. If only I saw it then :laugh But around 8th grade I started 'filling out' as my mother puts it. And that was the end of that.

Ruby - I'm going on a liquid fast starting tomorrow (water, coffee, diet red bull.. i'm a caffeine addict lol). I'm hoping it'll be more manageable. Thanks for the tip about fruit, maybe I'll have a little every other day or so? I was at home this weekend and my family made me eat all these disgusting meals with them. They don't have a working scale in their house, and it drove me crazy. But I just got back to my place and I actually didn't gain any weight :biggrin:

 

[immure]

omg you are never gonna be skinny the way you want with this approuch and metabilism when working would work for you to and allow you to eat a health amount of egggs and bread even the odd b day cake and be smoking hot but it requires a real approuch.

 

[pppfred]

The way that you're fasting for two or three days and then "eating like a pig" is really fucking up your metabolism which will make you very very fat and make it easier for you to gain weight. The only way that you're going to obtain the weight that you want is if you become really active and maintain a healthy diet (and drink tons of water). It sounds cliche but it really is true.

As for the girls on America's Next Top Model, I don't really know if they have a history of EDs but I know for certain that some (if not most) of them are naturally that skinny. The modeling industry in general goes for younger girls (14,15) because the majority of them are naturally that thin. I, myself, have never had a weight problem and I'm pretty lazy but it all has to do with genetics and how fast your metabolism is.


You should definitely stop fasting and opt for a healthier diet.