I'm 21 and I have no friends (pushed away what little friends I had a long time ago).... Have never had a girlfriend. Had crushes but never made a move because I was, and of course still am pathetic.. being this old it's now majorly PATHETIC (I'm a good looking person.. well Cute is the word that everyone has used to describe me ... that was never the problem). The problem is I've been depressed. I've been depressed as far as I can remember (since I was very young). I used to blame my dad for my problems when I was young. He was an abusive bitch when I was little. He used to beat the crap out of me with his belt over the smallest things. After he would beat me I would go to my room and take out a knife I hid under my bed, and push it up against my belly while crying my eyes out. I would try to push it through, but I was to much of a wuss (I really wish I had.. life has only gotten worse). Another thing that has added to my depression is that I have a lot of stress whenever I'm around people. This always made school very hard for me, or anything for that matter. My heart races and I can't stay calm. So I have just ignored everyone and anyone as much as possible after i dropped out of high school at 16. I would stay in my room and go insane even more i guess. I'm so deep in a constant spiral that I will never be able to fix anything. I'm so very very tired and want to die.