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I'm so angry and I can't stop feeling that way.

#1
I think I might be a narcissist.

Lately, I've been thinking about my life and how I've wasted it.
I keep blaming people for my own problems.
I'm so angry at them.

When I think about why I feel this way, I don't have a good reason.
I want to start crying, but I imagine the people I'm angry with either mocking or scorning me for it.
The people I hate didn't do anything bad enough for me to justify me hating them this much.
I just made all the wrong decisions in life.
And I let petty things get me so angry at someone instead of just letting it go or getting over it.

I don't know where to go from here.
I don't know how to be an adult.
And I don't know how to figure it out.
I'm guessing it costs money.

I want people to validate me.
But when people tell me nice things, I keep talking myself out of it.
I'm so angry all the time.
The only time I'm not angry is when I'm distracting myself in fantasy land.

I've been feeling bad the past few days so I thought I'd write about it and see if it made me feel better.
Sorry for being a downer though.
Does anyone else feel this way?
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#2
Yes, i could have written parts of what you said. i hate to admit the part mostly about feeling validated, i don't know what that's about, maybe it was the guilt for screwing up my life and even what i thought was my childrens'. I was selfish. I lived with guilt, I drank.

Your'e not a downer. I even attracted the wrong men, so much so wound up in an anger management course just because I was with a person who brough me down. oh, i felt anger, just welling up. I couldn't even go to stores, it effected my jobs. The only place i felt comfortable working was a bar. I still had some love in my heart at least. I'm sorry if this is TMI but I can relate. It's gotten better. I can look back now and see myself in the situations that put me in harm'sway without totally blaming myself.

I don't think you're a narcissist. They are very manipulative people who seek to do harm. Maybe you're just hurting. I noticed that you're good at writing. I stopped doing things that I enjoyed and honestly stayed in bed whenever I wasn't working. My teenagedaugheter would protest and even cry on occaasion. But I just couldn't doanything else. The main thing that helped me was a medicine tweak so that I could start to see things a bit brighter. That and time.
 

Ivy100

SF Supporter
#3
I think I might be a narcissist.

Lately, I've been thinking about my life and how I've wasted it.
I keep blaming people for my own problems.
I'm so angry at them.

When I think about why I feel this way, I don't have a good reason.
I want to start crying, but I imagine the people I'm angry with either mocking or scorning me for it.
The people I hate didn't do anything bad enough for me to justify me hating them this much.
I just made all the wrong decisions in life.
And I let petty things get me so angry at someone instead of just letting it go or getting over it.

I don't know where to go from here.
I don't know how to be an adult.
And I don't know how to figure it out.
I'm guessing it costs money.

I want people to validate me.
But when people tell me nice things, I keep talking myself out of it.
I'm so angry all the time.
The only time I'm not angry is when I'm distracting myself in fantasy land.

I've been feeling bad the past few days so I thought I'd write about it and see if it made me feel better.
Sorry for being a downer though.
Does anyone else feel this way?
Me too.
 
#5
Thank you for the responses.
I really appreciate it.

Here's why I think I am a narcissist:
  • I feel a sense of entitlement.
  • I have trouble empathizing.
  • I hate myself, and I depend on other people praising me and validating me to feel good.
  • I can't handle criticism, even light criticism.
  • Being shamed really infuriates me.
  • I fantasize about having lots of power and I have unrealistic expectations for my life,
  • While not doing anything and wasting my life hiding away because I'm afraid of failure.
  • And other things.
I know I'm diagnosing myself, but that's the best I can do.
I'm trying to not feel that way, but it's hard to do that with all of my problems.
Because I have to fix my problems too and there's so many of them and they're hard.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#6
Thank you for the responses.
I really appreciate it.

Here's why I think I am a narcissist:
  • I feel a sense of entitlement.
  • I have trouble empathizing.
  • I hate myself, and I depend on other people praising me and validating me to feel good.
  • I can't handle criticism, even light criticism.
  • Being shamed really infuriates me.
  • I fantasize about having lots of power and I have unrealistic expectations for my life,
  • While not doing anything and wasting my life hiding away because I'm afraid of failure.
  • And other things.
I know I'm diagnosing myself, but that's the best I can do.
I'm trying to not feel that way, but it's hard to do that with all of my problems.
Because I have to fix my problems too and there's so many of them and they're hard.
If you've been through trauma, some of these symptoms sound like PTSD.
 
#7
I guess I've been traumatized.
By my parents and relatives, maybe some teachers and my peers growing up.
I don't want to go into it here, because there are a lot of things and some of them may be inappropriate.

I've also heard NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) can develop from things like PTSD and C-PTSD.
And it can be comorbid with other problems.
But I think it's NPD because I want to be better than everyone (like the rules don't apply to me) and I have no self-esteem.
I need/crave validation from other people.
When I don't get people praising me in the way I want, I feel attacked by it.

And I do try to manipulate people sometimes.
Not as maliciously as I've heard some people being manipulated, but I catch myself doing it sometimes instead of just asking for what I want.
I'm afraid if I just ask for what I want, people will react badly and be upset with me.
 

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