im so bored!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ripx, Jan 12, 2008.

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  1. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    i find myself just trying to kill the day! everyday i dread having to face knowing ill have nothing ill enjoy to do. i don't pleasure anymore from my regular hobbies that distract me from my life which i hate. i need a drastic change in my life that will capture my attention and drive me on a day to day basis. something i want to wake up to. sadly because of my terrible social phobia, disability, and depression prevent me from doing the normal things that a person in my shoes would do. Things such as going to school, working, etc. But because of my disability its like i am LITERALLY facing a prison sentence. just mulling my way through life bored out of my wits unsure of what it is i should be doing. I literally have nothing i can do with my day, no matter how hard i try to find something i can do, i cant do it because of my disability, or because i have no friends to do anything with (except one friend, and i don't enjoy hanging out anymore).

    i just sit at home, my back aches from all the time i have wasted sitting on my ass. I used to be so active, i had so many friends, and we would play street hockey, or soccer everyday. i would go swimming, and enjoyed life so much. then everyone got older, and they moved on to leading normal adult life, and here i am, an adult trapped within the body of a Dependant adolescent. my mind has moved on, but my body has left me behind eating everyone else's dust. I'm 21 and i am already sick of my life, what am i to do?
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    Feel like talking?
  3. sorrowstealer

    sorrowstealer Member

    Have you tried games such as MMORPGs (World of Warcraft). It has helped me so much when I'm depressed,bored, and feeling suicidal. The only backdraw from playing is that people around me (family) say that I need to grow up and quit playing video games. They just don't understand how much games helped me stay alive. I have found enjoyment in games that hasn't died like my old hobbies. One thing I like about games is that while playing, I'm not myself.. I'm the avatar in the game. I can do what I want with no reprocussion. When I wake up in the morning I know that I have a stress reliever and at least something to look forward to do. I do play alot of console games, but mostly I play World of Warcraft. You can make a lot of friends on that game. I only have a few, but they are very close to me. To them, I'm not just another player. If you ever do give wow a shot, I'm on the silvermoon server. PM me and give me the details of your char.

    I know games are not the answer to the real problem, but they sure can give you the motavation and willingness to keep going. People just don't understand what some of us go through.
    All in all, we must all find our own way of dealing with all the hardships that life sends our way. Suicide in itself is never the way out. Suicide only makes our problems much, much worse.
  4. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    i used to be an avid video gamer. until recently i have enjoyed playing them for hours on end. I still get nostalgic feelings of my early teens when i would go to my friends house and we would play smackdown for the playstation while cutting class. The sun was shining in throught the window. Now, i do nothing. The fact that its witner doesnt help. Atleast in the summer when i dead bored i can go for a bike ride to distract me. find a nice quiet place and smoke a joint :tongue: man, i think it might just be that: winter. because i cant drive, getting out for me is impossible in the winter because all my modes of transportation are'nt by vehicle, instead i walk or bike ride or rollerblade. GOD i hate this shit.

    btw, incase i have'nt mentioned it, i dont enjoy playing games anymore. Atleast not as much as before.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    lol, i keep my mind occupied by playing online poker, i stay in my room about 23 hours a day and im never bored, how weird is that? lol
  6. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    you know what? i actual enjoy online poker very much as well. this is the one thing that i look forward to. but unfortunately i lose my money whenever i get to into it. i have lost 2250 dollars in a couple years with online poker. i had a really bad gambling problem because i would get so bored and try and go for the big bux fast and then lose it all. i am currently in the process of paying that debt off. i have 1550 remaining and i cant wait to get rid of it. but sadly, like everything else in my life, this will take longer than it has too. i only get 497 dollars a month to live off of and 200 of it goes to paying the debt. if i could just get a fucking job i would pay it off 5 times faster!
  7. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    In my opinon, computer games is not a way to go. All that does is fill a void with a bllaahh sort of moment. Really, what life are you rejuvenating yourself with?

    Don't get me wrong, video games are ace, but you've got to fill your life with,.. life. Yeah.. i donno how bad your social phobiea is, but from what you say, it's horrid...

    that's somethign you have to work on.

    take that with a smile mate. if you see and feel a problem, thats one great step towards lifting yourself above it so you can see what it's blocking, and actually enjoy life.

    i mean, you've got your memories, you've got those sensations and events you loved and enjoyed. you have that.. if i can be so bold as to say.. try to feel from that what you loved, and seek it out without looking specifically for it.

    i mean, if you know soemthing has the potential to let you feel a certain thing, maybe try to just doing that experience instead of focusing on trying to find those feelings. I donno, no one listens to me when i go this far so ill stop there.

    you obviously had dreams, had desires. there was a time when your dreams outweighed your worry. maybe you need to start being more than your worries so you can let your dreams flow through you.

    seriously.. dreams give you a flow thats freeing .. and the will to seek out your dreams, that's there aswell

    there's many ways to help, i just wanted to give you somethign tobounce off of. best thing to do is, try to be open minded, and not let assumption cloud the moment and the experience
  8. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Agree with that. I've been where you are Ripx, I know it sucks pretty hard. I remember my daily routine used to consist of waking up, pressing the on button on my computer, going out to the kitchen to get food and coming back in time to catch the login screen and playing World of Warcraft till god knows when. Video games are great, I still play them and can't ever see myself not doing so, but in moderation with friends, like over Live or something like that. What you need are new hobbies to enjoy yourself with and goals to break you out of your social phobia. I took up scuba diving myself and loved it, it's a very social hobby and a physical one at that. You get to see things that most of the world never does, beautiful scenery, a different world. A rule in diving is that you must always dive with a partner and I was able to meet some great people at the dive resort.

    That being said, there is one and only one solid cure for social phobia and that is being social. I know it seems like a daunting task and you just really don't feel like it but the reward is immense, if you aren't already dating someone you'll feel much more comfortable around women. Get a part-time job somewhere and pick up some pocket money to spruce things up, get yourself started. You sound like a smart dude, think of it like a choice, you can sit around and continue your lifestyle which you already know you dislike, or give sorting things out a try, what have you got to lose? Making a list of goals of what you would like to change about yourself, your life, can help quite a bit as it gives you something to work at and occupy yourself with, if only a mental one.

    Edit: Video games are fantastic stress release. Having no form of stress release makes a person bitter and pissed off but something addictive like World of Warcraft is definitely not the way to go, it'll eat your life away if you get sucked up into it. Get something fun that you can play but drop whenever you feel like it. I came across some time ago and fell in love. Fun as heck, for some people anyway, and you can quit/play whenever you fancy (or rather know you have something else you should be doing). It was the first game I actually got hooked on that wasn't online, although I discovered just a couple weeks ago that there is an online version at Don't play the online one unless you're quite good, some of the competition can be very demoralizing =[.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 12, 2008
  9. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    If you like animes I recommend Welcome to the NHK. Check it out if you like :rolleyes:
  10. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    the thing that makes me "socially phobic" is part of my physical appearance, and when people themselves cant get over how i look, how could i? I mean I'd love to be able to just go up to someone and talk, but everyones always got to have that look on their face. If its not that, then its "look at that guy" or some other annoying remark to their friends.

    My god this just made me even more depressed. makes me realize how truly hopeless life is. people try to be helpful but don't realize that their advice wont work. instead i make that realization and just get even more pissed off about my life.

    i know you're trying to be helpfully but....

    I cant get a job, i FUCKING WISH I COULD GET A GOD DAM FUCKING JOB. i wish i could be average jackass Joe and find any job and make money and be independent, but i cant because of my disability.

    think of it as a choice hey? ha ha unfortunately i have no choices in my life. just take it up the ass and like it is about all. (don't take that literally now...) If i was perfectly able bodied, and like this (as you assumed i was) i would just fucking off myself because i would be a useless **** who didn't want to get their shit together. anyone who complains "oh boohoo poor me" and poses the means to change their shit around should fucking kill themselves.

    perhaps i do have a choice? go on a killing spree because i am mad as fuck.
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