I want to tell people what's wrong with me when they ask! I really do but I'm afraid of being belittled all the time. I always keep it in until I let it out into incoherent and broken sentences barely making any sense at all! I came here for help and I can't even get out what's wrong! Part of it is I don't even understand why it bothers me so much that I would want to take my life. I'm so afraid I wont have a future. I went to trade school to get a career where I can help others. I graduated now I can't even get a job! How can I help anyone if I can't help myself? When I hate myself for who I am. I can't trust anyone even doctors or people in my profession and people just make me sick! I make myself sick because I'm not any better than they are! And I'm so scared that I won't be able to have a family. And the worst part is I think I did it to myself. I think that I've ruined my from being such an idiot. I should have listened. Now I feel so alone because my friends have deserted me and family relentlessly dragged me through the dirt. They make me out to be the one ruining the family, and now I'm not sure anymore. I must have done something to deserve this right? I'm sure everything is my fault but I'm so angry that I feel like this. I can't eat and I can't sleep. My hair is falling out more than usual, I just can't stand myself anymore. I hate being around people but I get so depressed without them. What did I do to deserve this?