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I'm so confused...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Entity, Dec 9, 2010.

  1. Entity

    Entity Well-Known Member

    I'm so confused with everything right now, So there's this girl who hardly even talks to me, she doesn't ever share how she's feeling with me, and i just feel very seperate from her these days, and i don't know how i'm supposed to take that, i can't ask why she's upset if she tells me that she's fine, coz then i'm just paranoid even if she really is upset, so i go find evidence when i know she's not okay, i just wanna help, and i can't, i feel like i can't do anything, but even if i find evidence she's not ok, she won't tell me why. I just wanna be able to be there for her like she's been there for me, and i can't and it's killing me. Because i can't fight a battle i know i can't win and it hurts. I don't know what to do, I don't know what i'm supposed to do. And I'm confused with my brother, he loves me right? I mean he's my brother, of course he loves me? then why does he say he loves his 3-week girlfriend more? Why is it everytime i talk to him, he's done something more stupid than the last time we spoke? I don't understand him, he's not my brother anymore..he's just there..i don't know if that even makes the slightest bit of sense but, i miss him, i haven't seen him in ages, and the last we spoke he's mad at me again, everytime we speak he's mad at me, he's so defensive about everything i say, everything anyone says. My sister, my mom tells me last night that she's been to the ER because of severe pain in her stomach, my sister has always had problems with her stomach, but now it's getting worse, i'm scared, the ER doesn't even know what's wrong, she has a GI doctor appointment next week, to see if that's what's wrong. She's only 9 years old, i don't live with her, i miss her more than anything. My life friend died recently, i miss her so much. It's weird that i don't even believe in god and at night i sit and pray looking up at the stars talking to her. She never answers. never. I miss my friend at school, we don't even talk much anymore, especially since her phone's been taken away. I have a friend still, but it's so hard talking to her. And god, i even miss my ex, how sad is that, she crushed me and our relationship was terribly unhealthy and after it ended it was unhealthier, but yet, i still love her, i guess that's what i get for making a promise and meaning it. I promised her i'd always love her forever, and i don't think i'll ever not love her. I may not be IN love with her any longer, but i still love her. We don't talk anymore, in a way, it's a good thing. Because it upsets me when we talk because i'm so fragile when it comes to her. So vulnerable to anything. and i hate that. I wanna be Katie, i wanna be me. It's just so confusing and so hurtful that i keep losing everything and everyone. what do i keep doing to drive everyone away to make me miss them, but have them not even think twice about me. I don't understand, and i'm not sure i ever will.
  2. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Hey, Katie. You sound really stressed and I can see why with all that going on. :hug:

    Were you close with this girl before? If you've tired to get her to talk and she's not responding there isn't much you can do. Just tell her if she ever wants to talk you'll be there for her, maybe? You're very caring, but try not to stress out about other people too much because you've a lot going on yourself. I act the way she is doing a lot, I won't talk to people if I'm going through a bad time because I don't want to bother them or being them down, or it's often hard for me to organise my thoughts in a way that people can understand.

    I understand how you feel about your brother, and I think it's normal, when people grow up, they distance themselves from their family and it's often hard when you aren't as close to your siblings as you were. Kids say stuff that your brother said all the time, don't worry he probably doesn't mean it, it's just a natural stage that most teenagers go through (not sure what age he is, just assuming). At the end of things though, girlfriends come and go, but you'll always be his sister. When you're both a bit older you'll probably grow closer again.

    With your sister, doctors often can't diagnose things straight away. It'll be ok, I hope she gets well soon.

    So sorry about your friend :hug: :( It's normal that you pray and talk to her, if it helps you then keep doing it. Maybe you could draw/paint something about her? Then you communicate your feelings about her death and your friendship and have something to honour her.

    I don't think it's sad you miss your ex, again I think it's pretty normal...even though she treated you badly. You were so in love with her and it's not like something you can easily snap out of. It's ok if you still want to love her, but she did break her promise to you, so you're not obligated in your promise to her anymore (I know logic isn't great for strong feelings though :)). I hope you find someone one day who'll treat you wonderfully like you deserve, and you will, but calm down, you're 16! There's so much time for all that stuff.

    It's understandable that your vulnerable, you've been through a lot and you're recovering still. You've done really well. Life is very confusing sometimes but you can find ways to handle it and keep a grip on things. Hope you feel better soon, much love.
  3. Entity

    Entity Well-Known Member

    you always have so much guidance to offer me, i don't know what i would do without you :hug: And yes you were right about my brother being a teenager he is 19, and he's only just moved out to be with his new girlfriend. It just scares me and stresses me out beyond belief with everything that's going on and i know that i can't do anything about any of it, but i want to be able to do something so badly :( but i can't.
  4. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Hey Katie, you know I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. Don't have much to offer advice-wise right now...but I'm at least available to talk to.
  5. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    It's ok, it's always a pleasure to talk to you. Your brother has just moved out and got independence and it's normal that he's got a bit carried away. I know the rejection hurts but he'll always have a place in his heart for his sister. I can understand how you feel when everyhting seems to be out of control and scary, but try and calm yourself (treat yourself kindly, relax, get proper sleep, breathe deeply). Just try to keep calm inside and do the best you can. If you can't change things it's not your fault ok. I know you're trying hard and I feel proud and respect you a lot.
  6. Entity

    Entity Well-Known Member

    I really am truly trying so hard to stay calm, but in all honestly i'm driving myself crazy, i want to be able to make a difference somewhere, somehow, otherwise i just feel so useless in this life. I'm not treating myself well at all :( i've hardly eaten anything in 4-5 days now, and i haven't slept but about 4 hours the past 8 days or so..
    :wub: you sweetie, you have like a special power to make me calm down, and focus on one thing at a time :) thank you

    thank you hon :hug:
  7. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    I'm sure you have and do make a difference in some way, for example in the way you care about people and try and help them. All of those things you described are not in your control, all you can do is try and help as best you can.You won't be able to change everything hun, it doesn't make you useless or bad, only human.

    You need to look after yourself as well. Why aren't you eating, is it anxiety? Do you have any prescriptions for drugs to help you sleep? It's really important, because to achieve what you want to achieve in your life, you need to be in a good place yourself. If you don't sleep/eat, keep everything inside you'll eventually blow up or burn out, which will make everything a lot worse.

    You can make a difference someday, maybe in whatever career you have, or just by being a good person, but to do that you need to survive and be well. I know the temptation or apathy involved in treating yourself badly, but it will be worth it in the end. I'm glad I helped in some way, focusing on one thing at a time is definitely a good thing. Keep talking and reach out for support, here if you ever need anyone.
  8. Ranai

    Ranai Member

    Hi Kat, I dont have much to offer in ways of saying anything but you know Ill always be there to listen if you ever need someone to talk to. I hope you feel better babe!