I'm so confused with everything right now, So there's this girl who hardly even talks to me, she doesn't ever share how she's feeling with me, and i just feel very seperate from her these days, and i don't know how i'm supposed to take that, i can't ask why she's upset if she tells me that she's fine, coz then i'm just paranoid even if she really is upset, so i go find evidence when i know she's not okay, i just wanna help, and i can't, i feel like i can't do anything, but even if i find evidence she's not ok, she won't tell me why. I just wanna be able to be there for her like she's been there for me, and i can't and it's killing me. Because i can't fight a battle i know i can't win and it hurts. I don't know what to do, I don't know what i'm supposed to do. And I'm confused with my brother, he loves me right? I mean he's my brother, of course he loves me? then why does he say he loves his 3-week girlfriend more? Why is it everytime i talk to him, he's done something more stupid than the last time we spoke? I don't understand him, he's not my brother anymore..he's just there..i don't know if that even makes the slightest bit of sense but, i miss him, i haven't seen him in ages, and the last we spoke he's mad at me again, everytime we speak he's mad at me, he's so defensive about everything i say, everything anyone says. My sister, my mom tells me last night that she's been to the ER because of severe pain in her stomach, my sister has always had problems with her stomach, but now it's getting worse, i'm scared, the ER doesn't even know what's wrong, she has a GI doctor appointment next week, to see if that's what's wrong. She's only 9 years old, i don't live with her, i miss her more than anything. My life friend died recently, i miss her so much. It's weird that i don't even believe in god and at night i sit and pray looking up at the stars talking to her. She never answers. never. I miss my friend at school, we don't even talk much anymore, especially since her phone's been taken away. I have a friend still, but it's so hard talking to her. And god, i even miss my ex, how sad is that, she crushed me and our relationship was terribly unhealthy and after it ended it was unhealthier, but yet, i still love her, i guess that's what i get for making a promise and meaning it. I promised her i'd always love her forever, and i don't think i'll ever not love her. I may not be IN love with her any longer, but i still love her. We don't talk anymore, in a way, it's a good thing. Because it upsets me when we talk because i'm so fragile when it comes to her. So vulnerable to anything. and i hate that. I wanna be Katie, i wanna be me. It's just so confusing and so hurtful that i keep losing everything and everyone. what do i keep doing to drive everyone away to make me miss them, but have them not even think twice about me. I don't understand, and i'm not sure i ever will.