I'm so depressed

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Crying All Time, Jan 26, 2008.

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  1. Crying All Time

    Crying All Time Well-Known Member

    Hello everybody, I'm newbie. I'm 17.
    I am in deep depression and I don't see solution. My life is so messed up. I don't know what is happening with me, I don't recognize myself anymore. I am crying all time, I'm always sad and often have suicidal thoughts. It all started one year ago and from than till now I'm lost. I don't know what is happening to me. I had painful experiences when I was child, in primary school kids were kicking me, maltreated me, hitting me, and they didn't like me and they didn't want to play with me and they always talked bad things about me. Than I fell in love and that boy cheated me with my best friend (ex-best friend). It was so hard time for me. Now I am in high school, I have 3 honest friends, but others don't like me. I was good student but now I can't study my brain can't remember anything. I don't go out with young people, don't go to discos, cinemas, etc. Sometimes I go for a walk with one friend for 1 hour and than came back home and cry, cry, cry.
    I cry my eyes out. And worse thing is that I don't know why I am crying. And I also think that I'm fat and that makes me very nervous.
    I tried to kill myself 2 times by cutting my veins.
    First time I cut them but not enough deep.
    Second time I started to do it but stopped because I heard my mother voice ( That time I just cut a little, nobody could see.)
    I want to do it again. And this time I want to succeed. I want to end this enormous pain, I can't deal with it anymore.
    Please help me, tell me some nice words. I'm desperate.:sad:
     
  2. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    aww,please dont kill yyourself,i know it seems like an easy resoultion and i thought the same thing,til i failed,and then i met people who have helped me. so you never know,things could turn around. and i cry alot to.probably just as much as you,so you're deff.not alone,and i always feel pain inside me too,and sometimes i dont know where it's coming from and of course no one understands.

    if you ever wanna talk,i'd be glad to listen:)
    AIM-beauutyy
    im me anytime<33 you'll be okayy.
     
  3. Crying All Time

    Crying All Time Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your words and for your support.
    It is just so hard to cope with the pain. My mother is watching me all the time, she feels that something is wrong. But now she went to buy some food and I'm alone in house. And I could do IT, but I am so afraid, I can't imagine my mum comes home and see me dead, I can't do it to her, oh my, will this ever end ...:sad:
     
  4. I can relate, but the other way around. My daughter is 13 and I hate thinking about what would happen to her if I ended my life. She's 1000 miles away and I miss her so much. Hang in there!
     
  5. Crying All Time

    Crying All Time Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your replay.
    My mother came back, but I don't feel well. She is in other room watching tv and I'm alone in other room, I'm crying my eyes out, I want to cut myself and then kill myself, I can't do it anymore, pain is too big.
     
  6. Resolutionary

    Resolutionary Member

    you know what, kids were super cruel in highschool to me as well.

    they kicked me around because i was a late bloomer.
    they spat on me, called me horrible names, threw me down stairs.

    my boyfriends we either psychotically manipulative and controlling or had serious anger management issues - took it all out on me.

    then my brother committed suicide, 3 years ago. and that was it.

    you want to make your family suffer? just kill yourself.

    so before you keep thinking along the lines of, woe is me, my life situation is the worst of all, and i cannot handle another frickin day, just remember...suicide is the gift that keeps on giving. your family will never recover.

    my parents are fragments of who they used to be because of what my brother did.

    think. please think about someone else before you wrap up your pain and hand it to them for the rest of their lives...
     
  7. I LOVE YOU ITS TRUE

    the nicest words i think
     
  8. music_addict

    music_addict Well-Known Member

    Saying that is actually quite counterproductive. Ive been told the same thing many times. Now I know, the goal is to try to guilt someone into not commiting suicide. But, all it is doing is going to make someone, who is already at their limit and feeling horrible, feel even more like shit.
    Think about it this way. When you say this to someone it means they are already suicidal. So their mind is already spinning full of negative and painful thoughts. Providing them with more guilt is just another negative thought to dwell on. To try to escape from. This is just going to be detrimental to their recovery.
    At least this is how I took it when people said it. It made me feel like a selfish asshole and even more suicidal. Think.

    But anyway, how are you doing Crying_All_Time? I hope you are holding up alright.
    Stay safe.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 30, 2008
  9. Crying All Time

    Crying All Time Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your reply.
    I'm desperate, but I'm trying to go on .. but it is so hard and I'm trying really hard
    I just don't think I deserve this pain that I feel
     
  10. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    hugs

    looks like you've been badly treated by other people. Do you know if that's your biggest issue? Is there anything you can think of that might just make you feel a bit better?
     
  11. New-Hope

    New-Hope Well-Known Member

    Hey Crying All Time.

    Welcome to the forum, I'm 17 too.
    I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. You've really had it hard.
    Please don't cut yourself again - suicide isn't the answer.
    Things can and will get better in time. It's hard coping with these feelings day in and day out, but you've got to push on in the hope that tomorrow will be the day that things will change for the better.

    I'm here if you ever want to talk hunni. Hang in there :hug:
     
  12. cupiononesse

    cupiononesse Active Member

    In the words of Chris Rock, "Only had 6 friends?! Shit, man, I don't got 6 friends now! That's 3 on 3 in a half court!" - in response to the trenchcoat mafia trend in America.

    3 good friends is perfect. Fat is not necessarily unattractive. And trust me, it's better that you stick to your small crew than that you think about how 'unpopular' you are - try thinking about how narrow-minded and petty the reasons are for your rejection. These people who dislike you are going to fail at life and end up on (hopefully) pro-suicide sites, whilst you fly ahead of them in everything and enjoy the benefits of our anti-suicide love :D.
    To be honest, though, it sounds more like utter bleak clinical depression than the result of your life - there is no rationality behind it, but medicine can help you out of it, as can avoiding your triggers - find out where and when you start crying, and try to avoid those places and times, eventually you might work out why and how you start to feel bad. Also, see a doctor! There's nothing wrong with depression, but if you feel that bad (when you have friends and good health), you need help. I had the same problem and have never sought help. I am now addicted to several substances and non-marking self-harm (ice cubes, very hot water, alcohol abuse, over-exertion), and come in and out of severe depression in regular cycles. I can't and will not go to a doctor now because I have formed a fear that they will reject me or diagnose me with something like psychosis (I have a lot of anger against the world).
    That's not worth it - please seek professional help, your situation is serious! But your life is good!
     
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