I'm so done w everything

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Invalid, Aug 18, 2015.

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  1. Invalid

    Invalid New Member

    This may seem ironic to be posting here, but I actually want to live. I want to live so badly. I feel like I am not able to have that option. I feel like a slave to my parents. A shell for my parents to use in order to achieve their own "happiness", or their idea of being "happy". I end up feeling like a robot, trying so hard to make other people happy and ignoring my own. Every time I try to turn that around, I get thrown words like "selfish" or "ungrateful". I'm a disappointment, I'm a joke...a burden. I don't know how long I've felt like this, probably since I was 5. Home doesn't feel like home anymore. Home shouldn't be a place you're afraid of. I never seem to be enough for my mum. I have to be "perfect". I can't share my own opinion w/o them shutting it down almost instantly. I always seem to be in the wrong. I just keep repressing it, day by day. And now.. I'm so tired. So tired of everything.

    Recently, things have been so hectic, with friends, school, family. I can feel life spiraling downwards. Nothing seems interesting to me anymore. I'm usually an optimistic person, telling myself that misery won't last forever. But now I'm just out of it. But I don't want to give up just yet... maybe that's why I'm here.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi & welcome to the forum!! I am glad you decided to join here and share your thoughts with people like you who understand. How old are you?
    I have that kind of relationship with my brother, I am always wrong, he has to be right. So now I just speak to him minimally, while he's good to me and takes me to appointments any time I need it. He doesn't mean to be like a bully, he just shows his love in a funny way.
    No one, absolutely no one should be afraid in their own home. No one. Keep talking to us here, have you seen a doctor?
    I get that you want to live but just not like this! Hugs to you :hug:
  3. Invalid

    Invalid New Member

    Thank you for the hug :) No, I've always been afraid of seeing a professional. I wonder if I'm just being dramatic, cause some others seems to think so. Plus I don't want to be a burden to my parents with the treatment and things like that..

    Also forgive me for the lack of introduction. Hello! I'm new to this forum, only having registered this morning. And I'm 19 years old.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    If they love you, you're 19, you are their ''baby'' they will help you. I joined this site when I was 18, im 26 now and depression free. I think you need to tell whoever you are closest to that you need to get professional help and advice and treatment. Even if someone can be mean to you deep down they most likely still love you! Get the help you need and you will on the way to getting better.

    Posting here was your first step in moving forwards.

    I'm lynn aged 26 from ireland! It is lovely to meet you. Life is for living! Get out there and see the world and see all the goodness and don't focus on the bad things 'cos they will eat you up! Best of luck :) Here's another hugs :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 18, 2015
  5. Invalid

    Invalid New Member

    Soon I'll have nothing to be happy of. She's going to get rid of my boyfriend...my 2 pets... my future. I'll truly have nothing to live for anymore. You don't "love" someone by caging them..
  6. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You are 19 now- you have options besides suicide- the first being to move out and live by your own rules and the manner you choose.
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