I'm so done

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by forestmaiden, Jul 18, 2009.

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  1. forestmaiden

    forestmaiden Member

    I'm done. With humans, with life, with everything. I've never really had a best friend, but I thought I'd found one in my friend Lita, who used to be wonderful. We'd been friends for two years, and in the last year, she totally changed. But she was still okay. In recent months, she's been a worse and worse friend. I've had a rough year... my grandpa who I was really close to died in April, I had problems in nursing school, and I just had to get surgery on my foot (July 6th) so currently I can't walk. During all of this, she barely said anything. When my grandpa was dying she just kept going on about herself. It hurt.

    Anyone who is ostricized from society the way I am at the moment would feel lonely... but when I put on my facebook and twitter that I was feeling lonely, she started going off at me about how I was "seeking attention" and then started insulting me out of nowhere. When I deleted her from FB and Twitter, she sent me a long email totally insulting me some more and telling me I post things and cut to "make people feel sorry for me".

    This is not the first time she's made me cry. Really, what kind of friend does that? Who just stabs you like that for no reason, especially when you have a broken foot?

    I'm so angry, I'm so hurt, I'm just DONE with people. Humans... no more. I don't want to finish nursing school, I don't want to deal with anyone. I'm done. Nope... not doing it. No more.

    I'm just done with life, really. My past, my present, it's all shit, I will never get over all of the abuse I've been through, my horrible low self-esteem, my problems finding a true friend. I will never get over what all my "friends" have done to me, how they've stabbed me in the back, how they've lied and insulted and deceived me.

    I don't want to be here anymore. All I can think about is how I'm going to do it, when, what my note will say, and hoping to God that my mom won't kill herself over it, as I mean the world to her. Really, she'll be fine, right?

    Everyone will be fine, it will all be okay, and I won't be in anymore pain.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    As a mother whos daughter has attempted suicide twice no your mother will not be alright. She will die with you as I have with each of my daughters attempts. Talk with your mother tell her what you are going through Ask her to set up an appointment with a psychologist to help with you depression. Your mother will do anything to support you YOur friend is not a friend so no great loss there obviously she doesn't have a clue about mental illness. Talk with your school councillor they will also help you get through rough times. Don't give up on being a nurse you would probably be a great psychiatric nurse as you would possess the knowledge and the life experiances of how people are treated. You could help people heal. Your mother needs you here with her and your friend well time to make new ones and you willl when you become a nurse so many doors will open. There will be many people who will respect you Talk with you mother get the help you need. Glad you are here please don't give in your mother loves you and needs you too.
  3. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    Mary said it all,hun.But also from my own experience..people tend to hurt the ones they love the most.Don't know why.But maybe it is because we have such a hard time saying and being who we really want to be..for ourselves and for others.You are not ostracized from THIS society.And out there..there are others just waiting to know you.Time is what you need. It is so good that you let it out here.:console:
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