I'm drowning in self-pity and shame. Today at school I again made people think that I'm the most stupid human-being on earth, and my marks are getting worse. I don't know why to live even one more day, if it's just getting worse each day. My classmates used to be the only people at school to hate me, but now it feels like the whole school is against me. People are talking and laughing about me, my ex boyfriend, the only person at that goddamn sschool I can talk to, doesn't listen to me anymore, since he's always having fun with all the other kids that don't want me to exist in library. One of the girls in there was yelling at me today, because I'm not old enough to really know what the last bundeskanzler of germany was doing or who he was. Though I actually knew who he was, just not what he did and when and how long and so on. But as I am socially awkward, I couldn't say "I know who that is, I was just kidding" or so. And now I have to learn for a latin test tomorrow, but I don't really have time (or am in the mood to do so....) so I'll just read the vocabulary through once or twice and then I have to go to violin lessons and the choir. I know that I'm overrating my so-called "problems", but it's too much for me... I can't cope with any problems. It's the little things that make me feel awful. For example in maths today, some guy in my class said "keep a safety-distance from me, I don't wanna loose my soul!" and then he pointed at my hair. I'm not even a real ginger at all, I'm just a reddish blonde. I'd actually prefer normal ginger hair. It's these things that are getting on my nerves. Or this morning, my dad wouldn't let me chomb my hair or pack something to eat or drink for school. He told me to wrap the birthdaypresents for my mum (it's still two days to go....). I told him that I wouldn't make it within 20 minutes. And so I came too late for school - again.