If you'd have talked to me 6-12 months ago, things would have been pretty good. Maybe a bad day or two per month, but not too bad. But it seems like lately that I'm just sad all the time. Not suicidal very often and not to a danger to myself level. Just sad. The big blah. The problem is I'm very shy and very lonely. I think if I could fix one, I could fix the other, but I don't seem to be able to fix one without fixing the other. If that makes sense. I see the people I work with, with their families and miscellaneous adventures and I get so envious. I've been married and divorced and I know how much all that sucked, but I'd probably give my left arm to find just that one woman who would understand me and stay with me. And I have no friends. You can't make friends if you never leave your house. I'm not phobic I just generally can't think of a reason to go anywhere. I go to work one day per week and I go get groceries and walk my dog. On a rare occasion like this weekend, I'll go to the bookstore and library. I may even stay there for a while and wander around. I'm not afraid of people, I'm just shy. I guess unless someone comes up to me, I'll never have even friends let alone someone special. So, now I'm lonely and sad. I want to stop being lonely. I'm willing to accept that I may never find love again, but the fact that I can't really call anyone just to talk is terrible. I have family, but I think they're probably tired of me at this point. I have co-workers who I get along with generally, but I wouldn't talk to them about personal stuff. So, all that's left is my dog and she only cares if I'm feeding or walking her. Anyway, I'm sad and lonely and it sucks.