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I'm so fucked up

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47x

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I'm obviously not alright. I been deeply depressed now for over 6 months, I tried to kill myself once during this period by cutting my wrist and taking some sleepingpills. Sadly it wasn't enough. I also have at least two plans on how I will succeed. Death by bridge and second by pills. I started cutting myself in April this year, first in an attempt to ease my pain, when that failed I started using the art of cutting as a way to punish and hurt myself. Say if I did something stupid I cut myself a little. In July this year I was admitted to a psych-ward (not willingly) since I'd stupidly told my psychologist about my plans. I only stayed there for 2 days since I manage to blame everything on my medicine. I got out and got a new medicine that I only ate for 2 weeks then I decided I wouldn't take it anymore since it would prevent me from feeling suicidal.

So I cut myself yesterday again. I can't help it anymore. Problem is that I have a boyfriend and he'll notice. I happen to be one of the wicked persons who can't speak about all this shit because I feel that it's my problem, so I should take care of it. Involving others is unnecessary and shameful and painful for them.
 
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