I feel so lonely and isolated its overwhelming. Its not even just intimate relationships anymore which are basically a dead loss. Thats crap in itself because I know how its nice to have a gf to phone if things are a bit crap or to be with and share some intimacy, but i've pretty much given up on that. Its more now just having no real family and so few friends. I've always been used to having friends in my life. Now people have move away or are married theres hardly anyone left. I've got one or two but when there busy I've got no one. Its saturday night and i'm stuck in by myself again just like last night. This loneliness is crushing me. I just stare at the wall crying waiting until I'm tired enough to get some sleep. When I'm as depressed as I am now I can't even watch tv to distract myself. It seems like its what I'm living for just trying to find a good show on tv, when I get through watching the end of a series I'm gutted cause I've got nothing to do. This is just no life, its crap, I'm sick of it. I could really do with some opiates about now just to give me a bit of pleasure in my life.
You sound just like me! I don't really crave opiates though, cos I never had any, but I was walking through the city tonight wishing I had someone to go for a beer with and I just had to go home cos there isn't anyone. Everyone's got babies and all that jazz. I was sititng next to two young guys on the bus who were quite openly discussing their partying lifestyles and Iwished I was 20 again and could just go out and have fun, but these days everyone I meet is either alot younger or alot older than me and alot more conservative than me. Bah. enough about me anyway. I'm sorry you feel crappy. thank god for internet though. The suicidal thing seems to come in waves. I've been dire for the past week but I started an Art Class today and this is something that really works for me to get some respite from feeling like crap. a life stuck in the house will make you more depressed, and I understand it's hard to break out. TV Series are a fantastic escape mechanism, and I also feel sad when I finish one. So thats normal I think.
Let me just say I feel the exact same and honestly it sounds like we're very similar. Loneliness is crushing but you have to reach out and find somebody. Your soul mate is somewhere out there you just have to find her and I'm sure you will. Have you thought about online dating?
thanks guys, its good to have people to relate to. Its good to get out and do some things true, I need to get out an do some boxing again, always makes me feel better. Things like the art class sound like a good idea, not really my thing but i'm sure I can find something. I also wish I was 20 again, life was alot of fun then I really had no cares, oh well times change i suppose. As for the soul mate thing I'm not sure about that whole idea, there must be some girls who are compatible out there some where I suppose. I've had alot of heartbreak and dissapointment though, not sure that I can go though it again. It my experience that if I work hard then I can get someone, but sooner or later, when I relax and be myself there not really interested in who I am. Never had much luck with being myself really, andi its alot of wrok being someone your not. I've had a go at internet dating never really got much from it, not sure why, none of my freinds have either. It can work for some people, though I think it works better for girls and good looking guys. Maybe I've just got to get used to being on my own I'm not sure anymore. life sure is alot more work than it used to be.
I think that's the hardest part. Trying to be comfortable with yourself on your own. I know for me it is. Constant anxiety and self doubt. Almost never a relaxing moment. Just thinking of wasted time and wasted potential and feeling almost sick by constant loneliness and not having anyone. I just got out of a 1 year relationship where there were talks about being soul mates, marriage, and things turned ugly very quick. She hates my guts now. No more best friend to confide in now. She was my only friend and I put all my love heart and trust into her and it was just a waste of time. Just loneliness now. Dating sites are also a joke. The majority of girls who join dating sites are just looking for fun and aren't the types of girls you'd would want to fall in love with anyways. I used to never have a problem girlfriends when I was younger but now that I'm 30, broke, unemployed, and suffering a debilitating injury, I don't even think of relationships anymore. I know I'm just useless to anyone.
Yeah it sucks being in that really close relationship, with talk of marriage and the like to being on your own again. It can turn really quick, sometimes I think that some partners turn against their exs' as there way of getting through the breakup, It helps quash any of their ambivalence and helps them move on. Still really sucks though. Dating in your 30s can be a real pain, too right and being broke doesn't help either I know. Although there are more and more people single at this age nowadays. Lots of people living alone, perhaps explaning the rising rates of depression. Getting comfortable on your own is so important, I do find when I'm feeling better like today, it is much easier. Its when I'm in that bad thought space, it seems so difficult to see past it. I also think sometimes that I'm no good for anyone, with my depressive tendancies and dependancy issues its alot to lay on somebody. Yet other times I think I have alot to offer, and I know in some ways i'm a damn good bf. Its just hard with my very unique personality and interests to find someone who I can like me when I'm being myself. That would be nice. I think this unemployment plays a big part, I know it does for me. Too much time on my hands, too little human contact. When I get a job I will be out among people, and talking to women again more regularly. I could well meet someone at work, who knows, I have before. I'm just going to be more cautious if and when theres a next time, take my time and balance it out. Got to have a balanced life. All your energy put into your woman leaves you very vunerable.
