I'm so lonely tonight.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Not.Your.Fairytail, Mar 23, 2010.

  1. I had a short fight with my father through the phone. It's the first time I've talked to him in what seems like ages, and it ended up in a fight. I fought back after he insulted me and ended up insulting me too, and the fight went on about how disrespectul I've been to him. I don't even remember how many things he called me.

    I went for a walk an hour ago. A lonely, meaningless walk. It was raining and I didn't even bring an umbrella with me. I got soaked, but that didn't matter really, even if by 99,9% I now have a cold along with fever.

    Staying home alone is suffocating sometimes. Most of the time. I thought walking around the sometimes crowded-sometimes empty roads around my area would help me shake some sense into me. I avoided staying home because I know I would either
    1) End up cutting myself again
    2) Cry pointlessly
    3) Obsess over the house not being clean enough
    4) Call my ex in order not to feel so lonely in my loneliness.
    5) Attempt suicide

    Yeah, living alone sucks for me. But then again I can't go back. I just feel so effing lonely right now. Just like a white little spot in a hugehuge black painting.

    For all I know I'm going to spend yet another night visualizing my own death; how would people react to it, if any of my old friends would care, if my parents would remember they have a daughter somewhere out there who is rotting in a town while living a pointless routine life. Ah, right, and I would also wonder if my fellow "co-worker" aka guy who works with me in the restaurant I'm a waitress at would come to my funeral and suddenly realize he had some feelings for me. Or nevermind, even if he did, he would probably just want to get in my pants as well.

    Oh well...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you are feeling so all alone. Is there any groups you can join any sports activities that will get you out and meeting people Even if you take a night course something that interest you an art course anything so you can meet new people. I am glad you can reach out here but hope you can reach out there as well maybe do some volunteer work anything take care
  3. empty101

    empty101 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about the fight with your father

    If staying home is suffocating, you need to get out. Do something like that violet suggested, a night course, a sport, a martial art, some sort of club, etc.

    I've been there, extremely lonely with near-constant thoughts of suicide. It sucks, and you have to change your self to get out of it. Do something, something that could lead to socialization. Maybe get some exercise, you might feel better.

    Tell us about the guy at your work
  4. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    I agree.

    I can relate to this, but not to such an extent. I don't live alone, but I literally have no real life friends. I feel very alone.

    Is there anything I can do for you?