I'm so lonely

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ryan_1377, Dec 22, 2007.

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  1. ryan_1377

    ryan_1377 New Member

    I've tried so many times to get better, I've seen four different therapists and been on medications. I'm 23 years old, I've never had a friend, I've never been on a date. I went through four years of college and never went to a party or out to a bar. I'm such a social misfit. But looking at me, no one would ever know that I am completely alone.

    I've decided that there has to be something about me that people can sense that automatically makes them write me off. Maybe they can sense that I'm gay, or uninteresting, or just not even worth their time.

    If I died tonight, or whenever I do die, no one will notice or care. I have no value, I'm just a shadow. I think about killing myself everyday. And everyday it seems a little less disgusting. If I don't care if I live, and no one else does; then why not kill myself?

    I honestly don't know how much more of this I can handle. Every day I feel like I'm slipping away a little more. I cry all the time, or sleep. I try to stay away from other people at work. I just don't know what to do. I do know that it hurts too much to keep on going like this.
  2. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :arms: It doesn't matter if you're gay or straight, be proud of who you are. :eek:hmy: I'm around if you want to chat.
  3. Giant

    Giant New Member

    Hey Ryan,

    That's exactly the way I feel. I'm 24, have never had a friend, no relationship either, and I seem to un..attract people. "I've decided that there has to be something about me that people can sense that automatically makes them write me off. " Like you said. It's the same with me. I'm gay too. And no one loves me. I told the people on a forum I visit, that I was planning to kill myself. No one said anything. No one seems to care. No one will give a shit when I'm gone. I've tried to kill myself before when I was 16. Ended up in the hospital. I can feel your pain. If you want, you can email me, or we can chat. My email is satorsrevenge@yahoo.com

    Love and hugs :hug:
  4. ryan_1377

    ryan_1377 New Member

    It's not that I'm ashamed that I'm gay. I feel that others won't want to have anything to do with me if they knew I was. Also, I live in such a small, rural area that the gay population is silent and hides because everyone is so hostile toward them.

    I think that my homosexuality has a lot to do with me being so alone because I automatically throw up walls to protect myself from others.
  5. pillowperson27

    pillowperson27 Active Member

    i can talk to people but i will often then relapse into silence. i make a horrible conversationalist. people who fail at BS conversations usually have no friends, like i am now. i also have a low self-confidence so i just tend to isolate myself. i guess that too make me a social misfit at 22 years old, approaching 23 in february. another christmas spent alone. wonderful.
  6. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    What right do you have to say that? Everyone has a value and is of worth! :smile:
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