I'm so lonely

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kfal, Aug 24, 2012.

  1. Kfal

    Kfal New Member

    For pretty much of my life I've been alone. Even though I am surrounded by people everyday I still feel so alone. And it hurts so much inside. I am 40 years old I just lost my mother, I have no family left . I ve been married for ten years today. With 4 children and I still feel so alone. My marriage sucks! I have no friends , none of my neighbors like me I don't even think my children like me . I feel like I am only here to serve the people that live in my house. Back in 97 (No Mehtods.) , but my mother found me and saved me , I wish I died then. Because my life has been a living nightmare. I just want curl up and die. I have no meaning or purpose here . To most people I don't even exist . I wake up everyday hoping today will be the day that I take a massive heart attack or get hit by a bus. And because I don't mean much to the people involved in my life they don't notice the pain I'm going through. I don't know what else to do except to end it all.......as I sit here and write on this forum I have (No Mehtods.) a bottle of wine . I just want the pain to go away ......
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2012
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry for your pain. Your story struck a cord in me in so many ways that I can't begin - I am 44, started having problems at 40, my mother died that year, I am married and have 4 kids..., have been married for 14 years now so 10 years when I was 40, was/am isolated from friends and neighbors. Though our reasons diverge and we all have our own reasons for the thoughts that makes us want to end it I can understand very well where you are coming from and the situation you find yourself in.

    You make a very very important statement at the end "I just want the pain to go away ......" . This is important because I am guessing if some of the mental pain went away then your quality of life would improve and you would begin to see the possibility of enjoying, revisit the dream of hope and living. There are ways to possibly reach that. Are you currently getting professional help with dealing with this- a therapist or psychiatric specialist? Have you spoken to your Dr about or are you on any medications for depression? I found both to be of some help. Neither was a "cure", but they both lifted me to a point where I could at least consider "tomorrow" without wincing. In your current state you need to get that professional help to be honest and you are cheating yourself and your family if you do not.

    You do exist. You are very much a real person, in real life and here. If you spend some time reading through the forums you will quickly realize while situations are as unique as each individual, the thoughts and feelings are very similar. You have taken the small step of reaching out - take the next step of holding on to the hand that reaches back to pull pull yourself from the hole you are in. That hand can be professional, and likely that is the very best place to start. But do not be scared to look here as well.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    lonliness (as opposed to being alone) sucks - company only uses me a replacable cog, entire family can be in the room with me and i'm still lonely

    finding people on this forum is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes but it helps

    If you want to talk some more, just let me know
  4. OCD

    OCD Member

    My psychiatrist once told me that if you move from where you are at the moment , for example: go on a holiday, move homes, go to a random place for just that day, the sorrow and the loneliness and all the feeling you felt that were horrible are left behind in that place for at least as long as your still in that new place, this psychiatrist he has a home where people like you and me just go there to stay there a little and forget, that worked for me, but also go and try to meet someone new, who understands you, like how people in this site do, he told me when you talk to someone who feels the same, some of the pain is lifted off, I hope this helped and I'm sure your children love you, you just don't know it, and losing someone important to you is hard to get over , I lost my cousin a year back and felt so lonely and so depressed and that I'm hopeless and useless and serve no purpose, until I met my other cousin who felt suicidal and we came to understand each other and share our feelings, this helped a lot, tell you children if they are old enough how you feel and your family, just pour all your heart out to as many people as you can, also try to go see a professional, to drink your pain away is not the only method to remove the pain, its only temporary and its also a depressant so it will only make your pain worse
    Put that bottle of wine down