I'm so lost.TRIGGERING

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Juliaa, Oct 27, 2012.

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  1. Juliaa

    Juliaa Well-Known Member

    Last night I was at a Halloween party with a few friends and a guy came up to be and started dancing and the next thing I knew he was kissing me, this part is very hazy, I was completely drunk. We then went upstairs and started to have sex, mind you I'm still completely drunk and I was consenting at first, but more like I had no clue what was going on so I went along with it, but then three other guys came in and each had their turn with me. I said 'no' and 'stop' a few times but they continued anyway. They made me blow them and this something I told myself I would never do (I'm gay) but I was drunk and I felt pressured with no way out. After this me and the first guy went back to his place where one of the other guys came into the room, and they both took me at the same time. At this point I am in no way consenting and have no clue what is going on still. One of the guys was incredibly rough and he choked me for almost the whole time, I have huge bruises on my neck because of it, which still hurt. I started sobbing in the middle of it and when they asked me what was wrong I told them I was gay but that no one knew and they kept going. I just want to die. Whenever I close my eyes all I see is these guys and all I can hear are their voices, yelling at me to take it.
    My sister told me to go to the police but I don't want to make a big deal out of this and I wouldn't be able to recognize three of the guys anyways. I'm just so lost and I feel so numb. Also, I have to work tomorrow with these huge bruises on my neck and I'm going to have to explain to my boss what they are from. I hate myself so much.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 27, 2012
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Re: I'm so lost.

    Hi Honey, thanks for reaching out :) Am sorry to hear about what happened and how it has left you feeling...... Even though you hate yourself Julia, God loves you and understands why these things happen even when we don't. He can't prevent the decisions of other people, but He can help us to pick up the pieces afterwards, and restore us inwardly so we can learn and grow. You might need to see a professional in case of pregnancy/STI's etc. Your sister might have a point about going to the police to report the rapes, would she go with you for support, or to a counsellor for support to help you through?
     
  3. Juliaa

    Juliaa Well-Known Member

    Re: I'm so lost.

    I'm going to go for a testing soon to make sure and I'm thinking about going to counseling for this, it's really taking a toll on me. thank you for responding. :hug:
     
  4. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    Re: I'm so lost.

    Going to the police with it, could be done, if you ask the police to interview others about it, like perhaps the females of the party; because the females might be able to pin-point or state who it was that took you elsewhere, and at least can have that person brought into some kind of an accountability loop here.

    I say females, because you mentioned it was mostly males responsible, and since they would probably lie when asked about it by the police, it's better to just see who else at the party, female wise, remembers seeing someone fitting your description interacting with any sort of male.

    As for the counselling you are thinking about receiving, it seems that what you do remember about this, even though things are hazy, is more than enough to get yourself some therapy. What happened to you, is something you are possibly going to have to grieve, because it's a violation of your core values, and you were also physically harmed. Seeking help in ensuring that your grieving and healing process is as healthy as possible, is a good idea.

    It's good to hear that you also had a family member, your sister, that you trusted enough to tell her about this, and just get it off your chest too.

    :hug:
     
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Re: I'm so lost.

    It is important for you to sort out what you want to do...what will make you feel more whole, and yes, counseling is a good idea...this is awful and so sorry it happened to you
     
  6. Juliaa

    Juliaa Well-Known Member

    Re: I'm so lost.

    I'm definitely going to go seek into counseling, again, maybe even through my school. Thank you for your response. <3

    Thank you so much, I really appreciate it <3
     
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