Im so lost.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by InSkiesOfBlack, Jan 21, 2008.

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  1. Ever since about a year ago mild suicidal thoughts have been going through my head. I never thought much of it untill months ago untill I started having lots of troubbles with people socially, which caused me to face many emotional problems thus increasing my suicidal thoughts. I have been doing VERY poorly in school and I haven't been getting along with my parents. I just feel so misunderstod with nobody to relate to. I started abusing narcotics as of a few months ago around the same time I started cutting. I also picked up smoking which I know is bad as well. But I really just dont care anymore. Sometimes I just feel so alone in this world. I know people care but I feel ike it's just out of pitty. But sometimes when I do cut I kind of wish I went too deep and I did kill myself. Right now I'm just really confused. I even tried waiting it out and things got worse... Nothing seems to be going right for me anymore. I just wish I would fall asleep and never wake up. I just want to get it over with. I'm trying to fight these feelings and emotions but I am about to loose it, and I have nobody and nowhere to turn to. At my young age of 14, I want to save myself becuase I have so much life to live but the other half of me just doesen't want to wait and see- knowing my luck things will get worse!
     
  2. darling1974

    darling1974 Member

    Hi, just came on board here. I'm in my thirties, but still vividly remember how I felt at 14,funny thing, it's not that different now, except there are many years and much experience in between. I wanted to respond to you because you sound terribly distraught, and for what it's worth from a complete stranger, I can relate, and I understand the feelings of despair more than I can communicate. Please don't cut yourself if you can help it. I know the physical pain is stronger than the emotional, and that's why it works, but you're still hurting yourself. The only thing I've learned over the years that i think i can genuinely pass on with confidence is this: the worst pain will pass if you can only wait it out. You may still remember it, but the overwhelming intensity of it will pass. If this doesn't make sense emotionally, it makes sense physiologically. Human beings are not built to endure prolonged pain. No animal is really. The challenge is waiting it out. Dealing with the pain is the hardest thing I know, but I've witnessed myself doing it, and it does pass. As long as you don't abandon your life, the things you like, that mean something to you. your life is worthwhile, even if you don't think it is right now. I hope this helps. please respond if you'd like to talk.
     
  3. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    i can relate too, i hate my life right now. i couldnt even afford college this semester and am too ashamed to explain everything that happened. im 23 right now, 24 in april, and my lifes accomplishments include,....NOTHING! i feel as worthless as you..my gpa isnt that great at all, and i fourtanantly cant afford counseling, medication or anything else that would help me right now. sorry i cant give you more, i kind of feel crappy myself
     
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