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I'm so lost

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheGreatBelow, May 19, 2009.

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  1. TheGreatBelow

    TheGreatBelow Active Member

    I'm alone in life. I'm numb to everything that happens around me. Emotions don't really exist anymore, did they ever? It's just a constant numbness. I wish I had someone to talk to, share life with, you know? Life just isn't for me I guess...
  2. TheGreatBelow

    TheGreatBelow Active Member

    Part 2

    I don't even try anymore. I haven't worked in over a year and haven't been in a relationship in 4 years. I've lost the good things in my life due to neglect. I don't care about anything or anyone. Death is best for me. Nothing matters. Nothing is real...
  3. TheGreatBelow

    TheGreatBelow Active Member

    Part 3

    This place is so dark and cold. I can't even control my thoughts. Every day is just a blur. There is no difference between day and night, or good and bad. I'm so lost in myself. One second, i'm smiling, the other i'm crying. I need someone to talk to...
  4. walkin

    walkin Active Member

    I can relate and understand the loneliness that you speak of in your posts
    and I can also understand the day and night thing when basically every day is just the same and there is no difference in anything. I have not worked for a while myself, and I have never had a relationship, so I cant relate to that. But I wish I could tell you it would get better with help or anything, but my own personal experience is that it has not got better for me.
    It could for you though. counselling and medication are supposed to lift the depression away and get you into a better place mentally.
    These are just my thoughts from your posts, hope you find a way that works for you,
  5. TheGreatBelow

    TheGreatBelow Active Member

    I don't want medication or therapy. They would only make things worse. It's hard to explain. I'm tired of fighting with myself. The part of me that enjoyed life has been silent for long enough to forget about. I'm just so tired... but i'm only 23 years old
  6. KJAB

    KJAB Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Yes we all know that feeling. Sorry if that sounds crap. But we do. I've been tired since I was 12. (na na na na nah). Eh. Nothing external does make a difference. If you're saying a relationship might make you feel better that's not NECESSARILY the case. Sometimes that brings more pressure. I'm feeling seriously alone and I'm in a relationship. From my experience I would recommend medication; It helped me. Didn't / won't cure me, but some help definitely. Why would you not want medication?
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Why are you against meds and therapy?? I have been on meds for years and seeing a therapist for four years..It has had a positive impact on my life.. I still think of suicide dailey but I know I won't act on it unless something major triggers me.. I don't sweat the small stuff anymore.. I come here to the forum for support and I receive it..I wish you all the best!!
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm sorry you're feeling so alone. You can PM me if you ever need someone to talk to.
  9. KJAB

    KJAB Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Actually, just responding to two things you wrote:

    1 "It's hard to explain".... (you don't HAVE to explain or find an answer to EVERYTHING OR ANYTHING, right NOW).

    2." I'm tired of fighting with myself. " ..... This is good. Have you ever heard the saying.... "Faith is only faith when you've nothing left to believe in". So you must reach out. you are doing so by being here. You can also PM me whenever; I'm not always online but will try to get back to you asap... good luck.
  10. doniphan77

    doniphan77 Member

    I dont know if I want to answer you, or maybe just want to write something here. Im also alone, completely, have always been all my life. Looks like the world is full of lonely ppl. And finally, when I found someone who loved me, a perfect person to be with, he dies, now he is gone. Im back alone again, as always, there is no reason to live. Why should we just stay in this world if there is no reason? Why everybody just tell us not to kill ourselves without knowing us? Is it too bad to die? That can stop our suffering, that could maybe lead to a better world? dont know what to do, im just alone, nowhere to go. ok, im going to sleep, cant sleep never. why are you alone? ppl dont love you? do you know why? I know why ppl never loved me. What I dont kow is why when I finally find someone who loves me God took him away.
  11. Samsara

    Samsara Well-Known Member

    Totally man, it's called therepy for a reason ;)

    Any kind of helping hand should be welcome for you! It will pull you back on the path bruddah <3 Hope you like metaphor lol

    PM me when you get lonely, we can talk serious or just shoot the shit :)

    that's a weird saying, "shoot the shit..."
  12. TheGreatBelow

    TheGreatBelow Active Member

    Therapy and medication just isn't my thing. I'll work on things by myself, and if it doesn't work then oh well. I'm not sure what to do, how does someone fix themself? How do you control your thoughts?
  13. Jack Rabbit

    Jack Rabbit Well-Known Member

    Yeah, this is depression, all right. I get why you are against meds and therapy. Suicide is about control and you see accepting help as ceding control.
    Neither will keep you from suicide if you choose to commit. Meds, though, can give you the time and balance to see if there is an alternative. Therapy is really just learning to understand yourself and being able to make right decisions. It is still you that decides what is right.
    It's important to take your time - there aren't any take-backs.
  14. TheGreatBelow

    TheGreatBelow Active Member

    I get what you're saying... I wish i had a friend or someone to talk to, it might help. But, i don't have anyone that i'm really close to. Even if i did, i don't think i could tell them. I don't like people knowing me that well...
  15. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    Sometimes making a new 'friend' online, and telling them helps... because you can connect with someone and share, but they don't really know you... sometimes sharing with a 'stranger' is the best way...

    I personally have no friends IRL anymore, they all vanished when I became disabled. But I have made new friends here on SF, and have been able to tell them things I could never tell my friends in real life.

    So maybe you could share with an online friend...
  16. TheGreatBelow

    TheGreatBelow Active Member

    The DOT is taking my car away. It's the only place i feel safe. It's the only place i'm happy, and it's getting taken away. fuck. i can't handle this... not now. This is just the final straw over the past few years of shit and i'm done. it's over for me.
  17. TheGreatBelow

    TheGreatBelow Active Member

    If my camaro has to go, then so do i. I've already disabled the airbags. We'll go out in a blaze of glory. I already know what i'm going to do, it's been planned for years. It's more than just a car, it's my home and my only safe place away from people...
  18. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    I know kind of how you feel... I used to LOVE driving... I spent as much time in my car as possible... I would drive for DAYS... especially when I was down.

    But now, because of my disability, I haven't been able to drive a car for 3 long years now... and I miss it terribly! I feel trapped sometimes, and like it's all over... but somehow I have kept going... even without my car... or the ability to drive ANY car.
  19. TheGreatBelow

    TheGreatBelow Active Member

    It's more than just a car... I'm homeless. My car is my house. It's all i have in this world and they're taking it away. I can't be back on the streets, I know what it's like. I'm not stable enough to handle this situation. I've lost everything.
  20. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    Why is it getting taken away?
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