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I'm so lost

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Gaffer, Oct 4, 2006.

  1. Gaffer

    Gaffer New Member

    I lost my dad 4 days ago. There were no signs, no crys for help. Just a 4 word letter on Saturday morning leaving my mum so, so desperate.

    I searched and found him. I tried to bring him back but it wasnlt happening.

    Everyone feels the greif , hurt and loss but I was there, I found him, I see the pictures of the man I adored and worshipped limp and lifeless in my mind all the time.

    I'm just so lost I do not know what to do
  2. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Hello, I am so so sorry for your loss, it must be very hard to deal with. I hope you can feel comfortable enough to talk about it here if you need to. Sometimes you feel better if you talk about what ever is bothering you. I am here if you ever need a friend. My name is Carolyn. My yahoo and msn ID's are in my profile if you ever need/want to use them.

    I also want to :welcome: you to SF!!! It's are great place and I hope you get every bit of support and friendship out of it that you are looking for. Please remember I am here if you need anything. :wave: :shake:

  3. Gaffer

    Gaffer New Member

    Thankyou so much for those kind words.

    Yesterday was a very hard day. My mum and sister organised the funeral arrangements - I couldn't go and feel a little guilty about it - and the police came around to my house to take a statement and everything came flooding back. It hit me I am the only witness - I am the only one who really knows what state my dad was in. Really hard to cope with.

    The reality also hit me yesterday - its so hard to cope with. I'm trying to be string but I am doing such a bad job. I am worried about my wife and how I am affecting her, I'm worried about my family and I so so so scared about the funeral. So scared......

    What do I do? I suppose I just get on with things - dig in and pray

  4. nakedbodi

    nakedbodi Member

    Oh, Gaffer! I know that no amount of words can ever be enough to ease the pain you are feeling right now, but just the same, believe me when I say that I can feel your pain. In my 32 years, it happened to me three times (my mom's suicide the worst) except that with you, there is a letter (even a four word one).

    I'm trying to be string but I am doing such a bad job. I am worried about my wife and how I am affecting her, I'm worried about my family and I so so so scared about the funeral. So scared......

    I think it's unfair to force yourself to be strong for others when you don't really feel like it at all. It's been like that for me and it lead me to follow the path my mom took. It's ok to feel scared and let it show. It's ok to tell your loved ones that you too are hurting and feeling the pain they are feeling. That you too needed their help and comforting. I think that's the biggest mistake I've done in my life, letting them know that I was there for them when they needed someone to lean on. And so they clung to me. Like a choke in my throat.

    I know that right now, you're numb. The pain your are feeling now is nothing compared to the pain you are about to experience in the next few months that will follow. Sensing the guilt in your post, I think you are going to need help. And please look for some. Not only in this forum but also from the pros.

    PM me whenever you need someone to talk too. I will be thinking of you.
  5. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    Follow your heart, it is life's compass.
  6. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    sorry to hear of your loss.
  7. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    guffer, i´m sorry about your lost too like blackfire. now you must think about the good things, and try to go on, because you still alive and that´s what he surely wanted. try to not be too down and do something that disstrract you, like painting, or drawing or writting, just let your mind express the pain that you have inside
  8. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    If you would like to talk you are welcome to PM me anytime. Take care.