I'm so numb...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lost in Thought, Sep 23, 2007.

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  1. Lost in Thought

    Lost in Thought New Member

    Hey all,

    I've been on this forum before under another user name. I just made this account so that if my other user name is searched, these posts won't show up on google.

    I'm 18 and a male in high school.

    Well...I feel really numb right now. I don't know where to start. I know suicide is a bad thing and so is self-harm, but I really don't care. I'm not in the mood right now to just go die. I just feel really really neutral. No emotion at all. I'm on some medication (prednisone) and I suspect that is playing with my feelings a little.

    Let me get to the point. I'm not happy. I don't know why, but I'm just not happy. I've been loosing the friends I cared about and been loosing the ones I thought cared about me. I'm sick physically (ulcerative colitis) and mentally, I'm just hanging in there I guess. I also don't know what makes me happy anymore. I'm so drained....

    I'm not in any pain, like excessive stress or what not, so I don't know why I feel this way.

    I feel like it's not a big deal if I were just to die peacefully. I want to start over. I believe in an afterlife. I just want to reset....

    Talking to other people really hasn't helped much. I don't want to be loaded up on anti-depressants either.
  2. malika

    malika New Member

    I know just how u feel, I got some help from my doctor when I finally got the guts to seek help. I took the first step to an miles long journey(bear with me on my bad english) and it seems like u have to. I started on an antidepression called cipralex, and it made me numb, just like u feel. I couldnt laugh, smile, cry or scream my pain out. I didnt feel an shit tbh. For me it was horrible, so after 6 weeks with that madication I said it was enough. Got myself an new antidepression and tryed it for like 4 weeks, then I was so bad that my psychologist almost put me in an hospital for mental patient. I am on my third meds now...Just hoping it will get better, trying to take 1 day of time for hanging on here in this world.

    I just wanted to say some words so u dont feel all alone on this experience, and I hope u just take 1 day of the time and work hard with whats bothering u. I hope its all worth it, that someday it will get better. But the road there is bumpi, long and hard.

    My doctor told me 1 thing, that I have to go on antidepression for 1-2 years, but if it help me to be stable with the depression its all worth it. Try and keep that it mind. You take the meds for saving your life
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 24, 2007
  3. Lost in Thought

    Lost in Thought New Member

    I just don't care anymore.

    I'm so tired of the same old things.
  4. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Hey guys, welcome to the site :grouphug: Sorry you had to find us like this but I'm hoping you will be able to at least express your feelings enough to get to grips with what is eating you alive. Depression really is a nasty disease and as you may have noticed there's no single best way to deal with it, it takes a many pronged attack sometimes to respond favourably to treatment and sometimes the medication they place us on can make things worse. There are plenty of different medications available and although it can be a little trial and error, chances are there is something that can help you cope better than you would alone. Together with therapy and a healthy lifestyle they can make all the difference to someones life. Keep fighting and keep posting, there's people that care about you even when you couldn't care less about yourself.
  5. Lost in Thought

    Lost in Thought New Member

    Not all of it is out of depression. My attitude has changed drastically.

    I'm sick of it all, but I don't have the courage to end it.
  6. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest

    Numbness, good thing you said this. Unable to cry . It takes so much to cry.

    Hang in there kiddo, I am going to research what causes it & how we can reconnect back to our emotions & detach from numbness.

    I do have the same feelings especially after I was tortured.
    There shall be a way,we gotta find it. Keep us updated & as soon as I have
    some info,I will post.

    take good care. you are too young to get into this journey.
    You are not alone .
    You see you enlightened one soul already , me.
  7. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am also sick to death of my life, but made a promise many years ago that I would not end my own life... so now the only escape from this misery is not available... I don't know what to do now...:sad:
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