I'm so scared of leaving my narcissist mother

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#1
I'm 43 years old I'm stuck with my family and especially my controlling mother
She never loved me
when I was one years old she gave me up to her parents ..
Long story short ..
When I was 23 she dragged me to her home by the help of police and since then I become her prisoner especially after I was forced in to an arranged marriage that ended after one week !! And since then i never leave the house without her
Im nothing but her personal buttler or secretary to be honest
She doesn't give me any credit for anything I do for her..
I'm always wrong ..anything I do get on her nerves.. I basicly iterate her simply by breathing!! !
I later found out that what's she is doing to me had nothing to do with me
I was Googling why some mother hates their daughters ..and I found out about narcissist mother syndrome and she is a text book character of a narcissist mother
All the details fits her!!
For her im what they call the "escape goat "in the narcissisticfamily structure
After reading so many articlesand watching YouTube video on narcissistic mothers and find that this is kind of emotional abuse i enduer my whole life and um left cribeld isolated and scared
And that's what narcissist do they isolatyou from every one else except them

I pulled my courage together and I called a a couple of lawyer few months ago..
Both told me I have the right to leave her
But I'm so sacred
The lawyer told me in divorce women now and things are difrent form 20 years ago she can't hurt me
All what I need to do is sneak out from the house and go to the lawyer office and he will take care of everthing
I'm really scared I know i suppose to be happy and exited but I'm feeling afraid and worried and panicked I feel my heartwill exploded into a million pice from how hard it's beating
And bc I don't have a key to the house and she keeps all the doors locked I must wait until every one is out and the best time is when she is out of town in one of her short trips so I can sneak away ..
And then I can call a taxi bc I can't afford being seen by the neighbours walking down the street with my bags
I will have to junb from the window and leave
I'm so scared..i want to leav this shit hole but I'm scared..
Every night I go to bed I wish one of us will not wake up and every time she go out I wish and pray that she will get a car accident and die and I feel so disappointment when she come back home !that's how bad I feel

If you Google about Narcissistic mother or personality you will find that they are control freaks and can't take it lightly if you leave them
Please hep me guys
 
#2
I am so sorry that you are dealing with such an awful mother My father was much the same way thiugh not nearly as awful. I did nit face the challenges you are facing with passport etc but i did move to get away from my parents We didnt have any communucation for about 10 years and in fact hes never met ny husband, threatened to sue me, come to where i work etc . Can your lawyer arrange for a safe place for you to go? You are in my thoughts and wish could offer more concrete advice . Stay strong because you do matter and you arent alone.
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#3
I am so sorry that you are dealing with such an awful mother My father was much the same way thiugh not nearly as awful. I did nit face the challenges you are facing with passport etc but i did move to get away from my parents We didnt have any communucation for about 10 years and in fact hes never met ny husband, threatened to sue me, come to where i work etc . Can your lawyer arrange for a safe place for you to go? You are in my thoughts and wish could offer more concrete advice . Stay strong because you do matter and you arent alone.
Thanks kiwi
My lawyer told me he can help me rent a n apartment by the end of the day..and u thought to stay in a hospital ER pretending I'm waiting for a night or tow until I can rent my own place
But I be at to leave first and I feel so paralyzed!!
When I'm one in my room I find that I have the power to leave but when I'm face to face with her I second guess my desigon!?
I think it's one of the side effect of the PTS I'm in
I did like one of the members in the chat room advice me to start going throw my stuff and prepare for the big day..
I prayed for this day my whole life and I think God will help me be safe
I tried to be a good daughter to her I know I have my flowes I'm not perfect but I'm not that bad that she insists I am
 

Rebreb

Well-Known Member
#4
I'm so glad you have found out your rights and have someone who will help you. I hope that this helps build your courage that at least there is a way. Of course it's not easy when you are traumatized but one step at a time and maybe when you are finally out of the house you'll feel stronger.

Could this lawyer not arrange to have someone pick you up at your home?

Keep planning, keep finding your inner strength. You have already done so much in spite of this horrible abuse so I can tell that you have a resolve and a will to have a better life. Perhaps you'll be able to help others in similar situations some day.

Your mother only thinks she has power but in fact it is a sign of her weakness that she needs to control someone.

I truly hope you can break free and study something and have a life worth living as you are clearly intelligent and a loving person.

And blast these laws and corrupt systems that support this type of abuse. It's terrifying to think that humans can do this.

You're in my thoughts.
 
#5
i know what you mean about feeling confident one moment and then not...thats what happens in an abusive relationship...but hold onto your inner resolve as that has gotten you this far and will see you through this You are clearly an incredible woman who has so much to offer the world despite all that you have endured with your mother....she hasnt broken your inner spirit so hold onto that....
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#6
I'm so glad you have found out your rights and have someone who will help you. I hope that this helps build your courage that at least there is a way. Of course it's not easy when you are traumatized but one step at a time and maybe when you are finally out of the house you'll feel stronger.

Could this lawyer not arrange to have someone pick you up at your home?

Keep planning, keep finding your inner strength. You have already done so much in spite of this horrible abuse so I can tell that you have a resolve and a will to have a better life. Perhaps you'll be able to help others in similar situations some day.

Your mother only thinks she has power but in fact it is a sign of her weakness that she needs to control someone.

I truly hope you can break free and study something and have a life worth living as you are clearly intelligent and a loving person.

And blast these laws and corrupt systems that support this type of abuse. It's terrifying to think that humans can do this.

You're in my thoughts.
Let me first thank you so much for taking the time and effort to right this kind words for me
I really hope that one day I can be free again and have my own life ..
I start going throw my stuff and prepare for the big day..im still scared to death from her but I think by sorting my stuff I try to make the idea of leaving sink in more and more especially that I don't have an exact date for it..
I think I'll go ahead and leave when she is out of town but I don't know when that might be ??maybe in 6 months form now ..maybe less maybe more ..
But I need to be mentally ready and get over my fear..
Thanks again for you're belive in me ..i never had anyone who beloved in me this is mean so much thanks
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#7
i know what you mean about feeling confident one moment and then not...thats what happens in an abusive relationship...but hold onto your inner resolve as that has gotten you this far and will see you through this You are clearly an incredible woman who has so much to offer the world despite all that you have endured with your mother....she hasnt broken your inner spirit so hold onto that....
You got that right kiwi im so scared a million thought flying in my head ..
But I think I made my maid on leaving when the time is right..
You are right kiwi That's what she really hate about me that she didn't break me ..she was beating on cracking me down..
I think what help me was Faith and reading..theses tow things what keept me company in my isolation I didn't have internet access until 5 or 6 years ago..
And she hates it that I'm so good in English even though I'm a high school drop out..
But I won't deny it that some days I really wish I'm dead ..and I feel I had enough and I just can't go on like this anymore and if everything will just end ..
But now I'm trying to make the thought of leaving sink in more and more in my head so I can get over my fear of her
 

Rebreb

Well-Known Member
#8
Yes, don't let her win completely, at least give yourself the chance and by having some time to prepare you will be able to grow your strength.

I think you could benefit from meditation if you don't already. If you spend a lot of time in your room anyway, you can make it your sanctuary and create a healing environment. All peace is within and when you learn to tap into it, you'll get stronger every day.

There is a book called Power Versus Force that talks about how when you use your power through things like love, self-love and peace, then you are stronger than anyone that is using force with the vibrations of fear and shame. You may find it interesting, or at least the concept of it.

Hold the faith. That is going to be your secret weapon.
 

Sunday16

Well-Known Member
#9
@Aj q8 I'm so sorry you're going through this and understand how you're feeling. I've had some experience with narcissists in my life and have read books and articles about how to deal with them and the effect they have on their victims. What stands out most from what I've read is that you cannot change a narcissist, but you can change your situation. I think your decision to leave is brave and shows that despite years of abuse you have not lost your self-respect. :) Another thing I've read is that it's not recommended to confront a narcissist or let them know you are leaving the situation, so the fact that you're making a plan is smart. It sounds like you have a good lawyer you can trust to help you, as well. You sound like a strong and intelligent woman, remember why you are doing this and when the time comes you'll be okay. I wish you the very best and hope your opportunity comes soon!
 
#10
You got that right kiwi im so scared a million thought flying in my head ..
But I think I made my maid on leaving when the time is right..
You are right kiwi That's what she really hate about me that she didn't break me ..she was beating on cracking me down..
I think what help me was Faith and reading..theses tow things what keept me company in my isolation I didn't have internet access until 5 or 6 years ago..
And she hates it that I'm so good in English even though I'm a high school drop out..
But I won't deny it that some days I really wish I'm dead ..and I feel I had enough and I just can't go on like this anymore and if everything will just end ..
But now I'm trying to make the thought of leaving sink in more and more in my head so I can get over my fear of her
I know that you can do this...and that she hasn't beaten you down. You are an amazing woman ---keep telling yourself that because you are. So continue to plan with your lawyer for when the opportunity arises and know that you aren't alone and that you do matter.
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#11
Yes, don't let her win completely, at least give yourself the chance and by having some time to prepare you will be able to grow your strength.

I think you could benefit from meditation if you don't already. If you spend a lot of time in your room anyway, you can make it your sanctuary and create a healing environment. All peace is within and when you learn to tap into it, you'll get stronger every day.

There is a book called Power Versus Force that talks about how when you use your power through things like love, self-love and peace, then you are stronger than anyone that is using force with the vibrations of fear and shame. You may find it interesting, or at least the concept of it.

Hold the faith. That is going to be your secret weapon.
Yes, don't let her win completely, at least give yourself the chance and by having some time to prepare you will be able to grow your strength.

I think you could benefit from meditation if you don't already. If you spend a lot of time in your room anyway, you can make it your sanctuary and create a healing environment. All peace is within and when you learn to tap into it, you'll get stronger every day.

There is a book called Power Versus Force that talks about how when you use your power through things like love, self-love and peace, then you are stronger than anyone that is using force with the vibrations of fear and shame. You may find it interesting, or at least the concept of it.

Hold the faith. That is going to be your secret weapon.
Thank you rebreb for you're mesh ..i do meditation some time and I do also try to
Work out in my room but every time she see me she try to sabotage it for me!!
Thank you so much for recommending the book I'll sure look it up in Amazon
I'll do just that I'll try to bulide my strength little by little unroll the day come .
The lawyer told that now it's up to me to give him the call the night before my big day bc he had nothing else to say or do ..
And when the day come I will ask him if he can arrange a pick up for me as you suggest yesterday
or I'll just go alone !
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#12
I know that you can do this...and that she hasn't beaten you down. You are an amazing woman ---keep telling yourself that because you are. So continue to plan with your lawyer for when the opportunity arises and know that you aren't alone and that you do matter.
Thank you kiwi I'm so glad I found you guys I don't feel alone and isolated like she want me to feel
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#13
@Aj q8 I'm so sorry you're going through this and understand how you're feeling. I've had some experience with narcissists in my life and have read books and articles about how to deal with them and the effect they have on their victims. What stands out most from what I've read is that you cannot change a narcissist, but you can change your situation. I think your decision to leave is brave and shows that despite years of abuse you have not lost your self-respect. :) Another thing I've read is that it's not recommended to confront a narcissist or let them know you are leaving the situation, so the fact that you're making a plan is smart. It sounds like you have a good lawyer you can trust to help you, as well. You sound like a strong and intelligent woman, remember why you are doing this and when the time comes you'll be okay. I wish you the very best and hope your opportunity comes soon!
Thanks Sunday 16 for the advice
Narcissist is one of the most draining and evil ppl you may know ..sje always mange to look the victim in every situation and I'm the bad one!!
It's like living with Dr jekel and Mr hide
You are so right about confronting a narcissist it's so dangerous
Every time I bring up the subject of me going back in she just snappe at me like a monster yelling how selfish I am and how I don't care about her..!!and I always wounder why she is so upset of me going back to school??unroll I learn about narcissist mother syndrome and then everything make sense!!
She see getting an education give me power and freedom and that means the possibility of me leaving her and be a better person and that somthing a narcissist won't handle bc I'm the escape goat in this fam
 
#14
Thank you kiwi I'm so glad I found you guys I don't feel alone and isolated like she want me to feel
Yes that is what narcissists/abusive people want you to feel but hold onto to your inner spark which she can never extinguish how ever hard she tries. Keep on posting so we know how you are doing because we are all here for you and sending you positive thoughts as you start to plan and act on starting a new life away from her. Sending you hugs.
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#15
Yes that is what narcissists/abusive people want you to feel but hold onto to your inner spark which she can never extinguish how ever hard she tries. Keep on posting so we know how you are doing because we are all here for you and sending you positive thoughts as you start to plan and act on starting a new life away from her. Sending you hugs.
Thank you guys..it means the world to me knowing that I'm not alone..
I'm still so scared about the idea of leaving ..but unroll the opertonety come for me to leave I will try to come over this fear ..i know the lawyer assured me that she can't do anything but I can't forget how bad things ended up back in 1997 when I tired to leave her..
But the lawyer told me now I'm legally divorce my situation is totally different from back then..
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#16
I'm so glad you have found out your rights and have someone who will help you. I hope that this helps build your courage that at least there is a way. Of course it's not easy when you are traumatized but one step at a time and maybe when you are finally out of the house you'll feel stronger.

Could this lawyer not arrange to have someone pick you up at your home?

Keep planning, keep finding your inner strength. You have already done so much in spite of this horrible abuse so I can tell that you have a resolve and a will to have a better life. Perhaps you'll be able to help others in similar situations some day.

Your mother only thinks she has power but in fact it is a sign of her weakness that she needs to control someone.

I truly hope you can break free and study something and have a life worth living as you are clearly intelligent and a loving person.

And blast these laws and corrupt systems that support this type of abuse. It's terrifying to think that humans can do this.

You're in my thoughts.
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#17
Yes, don't let her win completely, at least give yourself the chance and by having some time to prepare you will be able to grow your strength.

I think you could benefit from meditation if you don't already. If you spend a lot of time in your room anyway, you can make it your sanctuary and create a healing environment. All peace is within and when you learn to tap into it, you'll get stronger every day.

There is a book called Power Versus Force that talks about how when you use your power through things like love, self-love and peace, then you are stronger than anyone that is using force with the vibrations of fear and shame. You may find it interesting, or at least the concept of it.

Hold the faith. That is going to be your secret weapon.
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#18
@Aj q8 I'm so sorry you're going through this and understand how you're feeling. I've had some experience with narcissists in my life and have read books and articles about how to deal with them and the effect they have on their victims. What stands out most from what I've read is that you cannot change a narcissist, but you can change your situation. I think your decision to leave is brave and shows that despite years of abuse you have not lost your self-respect. :) Another thing I've read is that it's not recommended to confront a narcissist or let them know you are leaving the situation, so the fact that you're making a plan is smart. It sounds like you have a good lawyer you can trust to help you, as well. You sound like a strong and intelligent woman, remember why you are doing this and when the time comes you'll be okay. I wish you the very best and hope your opportunity comes soon!
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#20
@Aj q8 I just wanted to check in on you to see how you were doing as you've been in my thoughts....sending you hugs...
Hi kiwi I had a very bad internet connection in the past month that's why I couldn't log more often
You checking on me means the world to me
How are you doing my frind ?I hope things are good with you..
As for me i turned 43 years old yesterday and boy that feels old
My mother pretending to be the loving mom and she think I have a boyfriend I found on line!!
Bc she feels that I'm pulling away emotionally from her..
I'm still gathering my courage to the day I can leave her house and im lucky enough to find 2 lawyers willing to help me and I found a therapist who understand Narcissistic abuse and I've been emailing her now
And both the therapist and the lawyer encouraging me to leave and tahts somthing not eay to advice in the Arab world to tell a women to leave her parents no mater how old she is .
So I think to have supportive lawyer and therapist is kind of God answering my prayers
And today I got a written prove from my mother that she have my passport" by text "
So I think things are good in general
 

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