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I'm so scared of leaving my narcissist mother

#21
@Aj q8 First a belated happy birthday...and you're not old...just 43 years young...:) it is so good to hear from you and that you have 2 lawyers and therapist who are all supporting you as you plan your new life. That's great that you have the proof you need about your passport. Sending you positive thoughts and hugs.
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#22
@Aj q8 First a belated happy birthday...and you're not old...just 43 years young...:) it is so good to hear from you and that you have 2 lawyers and therapist who are all supporting you as you plan your new life. That's great that you have the proof you need about your passport. Sending you positive thoughts and hugs.
Thanks kiwi
I'm so happy to have frinds like you and not being alone
I growing my strength little by little each day
And I wouldn't could do this without you're support and help you kind word means alone to me
How are you?and how things going on
 
#23
You are welcome ....you are so incredibly brave to be doing this...I admire your inner strength...know that you can do this...me ..facing some challenges at work so trying to figure out best path to deal/handle it....sending you peaceful thoughts today and hugs...
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#24
You are welcome ....you are so incredibly brave to be doing this...I admire your inner strength...know that you can do this...me ..facing some challenges at work so trying to figure out best path to deal/handle it....sending you peaceful thoughts today and hugs...
I hope you will figer out a way to handle what are going on in you're office
I know you will you are a smart person
Wishing you all the best sending hugs and kisses
 
#25
Thanks @Aj q8 for your good thoughts...trying to navigate my way through it all...how are you doing?...were you able to make the recording you mentioned or is your mom still on her "best behavior"...have been thinking of you and hoping that you are doing ok...
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#26
H
Thanks @Aj q8 for your good thoughts...trying to navigate my way through it all...how are you doing?...were you able to make the recording you mentioned or is your mom still on her "best behavior"...have been thinking of you and hoping that you are doing ok...
Thanks kiwi
Last night she told me that she will go on 2 or 3 weeks trip out of town and I know that this is my chance to leave her but I'm so scared of leaving
I don't know if I can do it
If I don't leave now I won't have another chance unroll next year and I'm getting so tierd and ecxusted of being around her I start to fell physical pain when I'm around her
I don't know if I can take it any more
The lawyer told me to call him when I'm ready to leave and have my life back and he will take car of everthing
So kiwi I don't know what to do I want to leave and I'm so scared of leaving
 
#27
I can only imagine how hard this is for you...and scary as you will be leaving a life you have known for so long...as sometimes there is a comfort level of staying in a situation because at least we know what it's like however bad it is...but know that you can do it as you deserve your own life away from her. Have you told the lawyer about this window of time that she'll be away as then he/she could start to help you plan how to do it a little bit at a time...and also talking with your therapist as well...by taking it one step at a time it may still be scary but somehow doable if that makes sense....
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#28
I can only imagine how hard this is for you...and scary as you will be leaving a life you have known for so long...as sometimes there is a comfort level of staying in a situation because at least we know what it's like however bad it is...but know that you can do it as you deserve your own life away from her. Have you told the lawyer about this window of time that she'll be away as then he/she could start to help you plan how to do it a little bit at a time...and also talking with your therapist as well...by taking it one step at a time it may still be scary but somehow doable if that makes sense....
I think you are right kiwi that's what it's must be
I feel comfortable in this bc I know what I'm in for ..!!
My therapist told me yesterday that the design is main she can't tell me to stay or leave ..
And the lawyer told me to call him when I'm ready to leave ..
So I guess it all depends on me at this point ..to take this leap of faith or just stay whear I am !
But I'm so scared kiwi that's who I can describes my feelings right now ..scared and I can't stand being around my mother I can't stand hearing her voice !!
 
#29
I know that you can do this..it is a leap of faith to some degree but you have a well thought out plan and the evidence and a window of time...being scared is natural especially given all that you have endured... just take it one day at a time and think about what your new life will be as you deserve a life of your own...being free to pursue your dreams...
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#30
I know that you can do this..it is a leap of faith to some degree but you have a well thought out plan and the evidence and a window of time...being scared is natural especially given all that you have endured... just take it one day at a time and think about what your new life will be as you deserve a life of your own...being free to pursue your dreams...
Thank you so much for the encouragement I really need to hear this
I'm so stressed out and scared my desire to leave is more than anything yet I got this small part of me that try to talk me out of this ..
I'm willing to leave everthing behind and gain my life back I only pray that I can find it in me to walk away when the time comes
 

Rebreb

Well-Known Member
#31
Making changes is always scary even with the support of family. Having a mother like yours makes it all the scarier for sure.

Of course we easily fall back into how things are even if they are awful, because they are predictable. I'm glad you can recognize that.

Are you able to sit and imagine how your life may feel in the future if you go? And then imagine how it will feel if you stay?

Which one brings more peace to your heart?

Think of how you may feel in a few years time, in either decision.

Visualizing the future and the steps you'll take can help you prepare for the actual event.

Sending you peace and strength and a strong imagination for a hopeful future.
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#33
I know that you can do this ...remember to hold onto your inner spark/strength ...sending you positive thoughts and hugs...
Thank you kiwi for making time to get back to me this is so important to me and give me such relief and power to
I feel better today and I feel that I can do it kind of spirt so let's pray that I stay feel this confidant until I can get away ..
It might be in 2 weeks from now I'm not sure yet bc she didn't tell me when she will leave..
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#34
Making changes is always scary even with the support of family. Having a mother like yours makes it all the scarier for sure.

Of course we easily fall back into how things are even if they are awful, because they are predictable. I'm glad you can recognize that.

Are you able to sit and imagine how your life may feel in the future if you go? And then imagine how it will feel if you stay?

Which one brings more peace to your heart?

Think of how you may feel in a few years time, in either decision.

Visualizing the future and the steps you'll take can help you prepare for the actual event.

Sending you peace and strength and a strong imagination for a hopeful future.
I can't thank you enough Rebreb for the comfort and peace of mind you're advise gave me ..it really help me to pull my self together and stop the anxiety I was feeling in the past few days
I couldn't sleep from how bad I feel
I was craying all night and worried all day..
I took a deep breath and did exactly what you said
I can see my self going back to school and go to college and have a car and maybe one day later on life I can meet up with a nice kind man if I'm lucky enough and if I don't that's fine too bc I will have my life back and i will hang out with frinds and simply be alive
And I will go to live with my grandfather and that will help me alot financially and emotionally more than go to live alone especially after leaving this abusive situation being alone can be hard on me right now ..
So going to my grand father house would be a great place to start my new life
 
#35
Thank you kiwi for making time to get back to me this is so important to me and give me such relief and power to
I feel better today and I feel that I can do it kind of spirt so let's pray that I stay feel this confidant until I can get away ..
It might be in 2 weeks from now I'm not sure yet bc she didn't tell me when she will leave..
Just hold on tightly to that confidence as it has gotten you this far.
 

Rebreb

Well-Known Member
#36
I can't thank you enough Rebreb for the comfort and peace of mind you're advise gave me ..it really help me to pull my self together and stop the anxiety I was feeling in the past few days
I couldn't sleep from how bad I feel
I was craying all night and worried all day..
I took a deep breath and did exactly what you said
I can see my self going back to school and go to college and have a car and maybe one day later on life I can meet up with a nice kind man if I'm lucky enough and if I don't that's fine too bc I will have my life back and i will hang out with frinds and simply be alive
And I will go to live with my grandfather and that will help me alot financially and emotionally more than go to live alone especially after leaving this abusive situation being alone can be hard on me right now ..
So going to my grand father house would be a great place to start my new life
This is a beautiful vision, Aj, it's realistic and simple and definitely achievable. You have my support to live this dream.

Some people say that depression is sadness about the past and anxiety is fear of the future so any time you get pulled back into anxiety, imagine a better future for yourself. First try to find peace inside and then imagine what your life would be like to create that peaceful feeling.

You have a light that never goes out!
 

Aj q8

Well-Known Member
#38
This is a beautiful vision, Aj, it's realistic and simple and definitely achievable. You have my support to live this dream.

Some people say that depression is sadness about the past and anxiety is fear of the future so any time you get pulled back into anxiety, imagine a better future for yourself. First try to find peace inside and then imagine what your life would be like to create that peaceful feeling.

You have a light that never goes out!
Thanks Rebreb
I can see a better days a head waiting for me
But the fear of her and her reaction is what crebelling me ..when she get her rages she becom a real monster she is very controlling and to lose somthing she truly belive it's belong to her and in this case is me will set her in a bug rage..how dare I can challenging her and stand against her..
That's what scares me that most ..
 

Rebreb

Well-Known Member
#39
Thanks Rebreb
I can see a better days a head waiting for me
But the fear of her and her reaction is what crebelling me ..when she get her rages she becom a real monster she is very controlling and to lose somthing she truly belive it's belong to her and in this case is me will set her in a bug rage..how dare I can challenging her and stand against her..
That's what scares me that most ..
You have a reason to be afraid because she is actually a scary person so I won't tell you to ignore the feeling - but you can try to keep reminding yourself that she doesn't own you and never did and you have the right to live your own life. Not only does she have her own freedom, she has robbed you of yours. Hopefully once you are separate from we and experience the feeling of independence you have more self-empowerment to stand up against her.

If you can make a solid plan to leave when she isn't around, and you have people on the outside that can help you, then the main thing is getting away initially.

I am curious - is it safe for you to be at your grandfather's? Could this increase the abuse towards your grandfather or this this not the same one?

And can you get a restraining order on her? It should be illegal to keep your daughter hostage, unless Kuwait is okay with this inhumane concept. I don't remember but did you say the cops are corrupt?
 
#40
Thanks dear
The thing is this feeling of confidant comes and go ..
I hope I will still have it to leave and I won't have a cold feet
Yes I can imagine which is what makes it so hard...but maybe as believe you already have keep a mental list in your mind of all the reasons that you are doing this and go through it every day as a reminder to yourself that your reasons for leaving are entirely valid /justified and that though this will not be easy that deep down inside you do have the inner strength to see it through to start your own life. Sending you peaceful and self confident thoughts to you.
 

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