I'm so scared.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by love-scars, Nov 3, 2007.

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  1. love-scars

    love-scars Guest

    It happened last Sunday.

    It wasn't rape, I don't think, but it was sexual assault. Finally, after everything that has happened, he had his way with me, he had sex with me.

    I expected at least some satisfaction. I love him, with all my heart. But no. He did it for the act and nothing more. It hurt so much, and yet he didn't notice me crying underneath him, or perhaps he didn't even care.

    I bled for two days, on and off. It hurt to pee, it hurt to walk. The condom he used snapped, and finally I was forced to tell my parents.

    I took the Plan B pill, but it was a bit late. I'm worried, I'm scared, because I was most fertile that day anyways. I got my period on the 13th of last month, meaning on the 28th, when it happened, I was fertile. I was ovulating.

    If I'm pregnant, my parents are making me abort the child.

    My best friend, who was dating the guy who did this to me, broke up with him, but now she's back together with him, as of today. And they plan to have sex.. to spite me, I guess.

    She says she loves me so much.

    And yet, she loves him more. Actually she loves him even more NOW, because he got that out of his system, and it was directed towards me. She's convinced that she's the victim.

    I'm scared because I don't even know how to react.... I'm scared for my life, I'm scared for my heart, I'm scared for my sanity.

    I love him. Yea.. teenage retarded crush.... but I forgave him.

    I dont want to abort the child if I have one... I dont want... any of this.

    Did I deserve this? I'm feeling so hopeless..

    No more cutting, but I cant shake off this feeling of utter dread.

    I even picked the name I'm putting on a tiny tombstone if I'm forced into an abortion.

    Salvatore Ceiro Paesano.

    Taking the Father's last name.

    It sort of means Savior of Love and Friend.

    I don't know what I'm thinking anymore.

    I'm convinced I've lost my mind.

    I need a shoulder to cry on, but everyone's too busy being the shoulder for my best friend who's the "greater" victim.

    They forget to notice me dying...

    I'm making NO sense.
  2. scared_child

    scared_child Account Closed

    hey, i know that this is a difficult time. Do you want to abort the baby? If there is one that is? Because keep in mind that even if your under age she cant make you. And Im sorry that your going through this right now. Just remember that it will get better. Good luck! <3
  3. I got pregnant after my boyfriend raped me. I was all set to abort the baby but i chickened out. I loved him. I was six months pregnant and i was all set to raise him or give him up but i didnt want him to die. I was at cedar point when my boyfriend came and found me. He knocked me in to a fence and i fell down 3 stairs. It was dark and i remember all the blood. I couldnt really see it but it was there. I lost the baby. I was going to name him Connor Matthew if i kept him. It was horrible. Its your baby. He didnt ask to be born but u didnt ask for it either. But think about it before u do anything. Ur parents dont have to live with this the decision you DO!!! Remember that. But also remember that its not ur fault if u do decide to abort. She isnt ur friend if she reacted like that. Let her go. Maybe you wont be pregnant. Why do you not consider this rape?
  4. CyanideMuffin

    CyanideMuffin Member

    hey, im sorry all of this happend, it was very touching to read your story

    and what i can say is that you cant abort the child if you dont want to, and if you're underage, or not you can press charges agains him, he at least has to pay some expenses because its his baby, you should keep the baby if you really want to.

    and if you need someone to talk to, you can feel free to Pm me anytime, i will always write back

    good luck

    take care

  5. redheadsweetie

    redheadsweetie Active Member

    hi ,
    Soooooo sorry all this happened to you just wanted to remind you that you didnt deserve any of this. As hard as that is to believe sometimes. I do the self blme thing alot but i do know now deep inside that i couldnt have done anything about it. Here if you ever need to talk.
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