im so scared off what is happening to me. I was raped month and 1/2 ago, and it was the scarest thing ever. I mean I keep on thinking no one believes me and that the police are gonna blame me. I mean it is my fault. If i did something different, or wasnt there. I hate myself for being me, and i HATE MYSELF for reporting it. The police is saying that there is insuffiecent evidence, and that forensics are not able to help prove as the guy admitted to having sex, but said i gave consent. The Basterd. I fucking hate this. WHY does it always happen, as I dont want to deal with this. I cant like this. The POLICE ARE DOING NOTHING, EXCEPT JUDGE ME. I hate poeple judging me, and the police are not helping. Ever since this attack, I have reported it, they have not left me alone, constsntly asking me if it is true, and if there is anything on the statement to change. Since 18th May, I have been admitted to hospital 3 times, from overdosing. two of these times, I ended up in Critical Care. Ive been arrested 6 Times for a place of safety. I have also been sectioned for 5 days, and I get scared of what to do. Its not just the attack, although this has caused alot more suicidal thoughts in my head. The police came to see me just after my UNcles funeral, for this case. I have told them that I dont want to continue with this. I cant, its ripping me inside out. I just cant do this, there are people out there. there is perverts, and sickos, and crazy people out there, thinking that they can win when they steal the innoccences of otthers, well guess what, i am one of the losers that they have won over. I cant do it. This message has helped me alot, but its also triggered alot of anger, and alot of guilt. but the strongest emotion i have at the moment, is FEAR. I cannot defeat fear.