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Im so sick and tired of being sick and tired

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by fallingawayfromME, Jul 20, 2013.

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  1. fallingawayfromME

    fallingawayfromME Well-Known Member

    Im posting this in the hopes that someone can help me. My mothers boyfriend threatened my life today. What hurts more than anything else is she seems to be ok with it. I havent done anything to this man but try to hep him at every turn. Hes a fucking alcoholic and when he gets drunk I seem to be the target of his anger. Hes just mad because all his sons are incarcerated and Im doing well in my life. Hes taking all his frustration out on me because his children want nothing to do with him. I know Im a man and I can handle my business but the fact that my mother is vilifying me hurts me so much. Im on the verge of tears and if my own mother wont defend me when I havent done anything wrong whats the point of going on. Please I just ask if someone has any advice to help me please.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 20, 2013
  2. fallingawayfromME

    fallingawayfromME Well-Known Member

    Ok. I tried to reach out. Thanks
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Sorry I did not see this before...do you have to live in this environment? It sounds so abusive, and I am wondering what choices you have...I am so sorry you are exposed to this...I disagree that it is against any gender definition to feel sadness and cry...that is a human experience...and to hurt yourself over these people's problems sounds even sadder...please know these are not your problems and try to have the least to do with them...wishing you more peaceful times
  4. Mayflower7

    Mayflower7 Banned Member

    Hi Fallingawayfromme,
    I am so sorry you are experiencing this, is your mother scared of his behaviour so defends him. When someone loves someone it's hard for them to see faults in them. He really needs to seek help for his alcoholism which is bound to improve his moods/violant behaviour. When he starts hard I know, don't confront him ignore so you don't get hurt. Don't let him drag you down, you know you are doing well which is great. Can your mother persuade him to attend professional help?
    Sorry I didn't see your post either, you are not alone in dealing with this. I really hope it helps talking about it. Leave if you're able to as affecting your wellbeing. Obviously if he harms you report him.
    I hope this situation improves for you.
    Take care
  5. fallingawayfromME

    fallingawayfromME Well-Known Member

    Thank you SedEyes and Kate. I do live with them right now for the next few months unfortunately. Its just hard because right now I have nowhere to go and he knows this. I will be moving in a couple of months but for now I have to deal with this. It becomes harder and harder every day to deal with. But Im trying.
  6. Mayflower7

    Mayflower7 Banned Member

    Hi Fallingawayfromme,
    I will be glad when you are in a safer place, try staying in a different room if you can.
    Sorry you have to go through this.
    Take care
  7. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    Hello Fallingawayfromme,
    I just came across your thread and I'm sorry you have to go through this. If things get out of hand, just leave the situation and try going for a walk.
    Thats horrible treatment and nobody deserves to go through that. I'm glad your trying though. :)
    Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and I'm here for you if you ever wanna talk.
  8. fallingawayfromME

    fallingawayfromME Well-Known Member

    Rose thank you. That means a lot.
  9. fallingawayfromME

    fallingawayfromME Well-Known Member

    Thank you Kate.
  10. Hunlie

    Hunlie New Member

    The title of this thread caught my eye as I've been saying the very same thing for a while now...

    I’m really sorry to hear about your troubles , I know it must be a really big and painful emotional burden for you and the best thing I can suggest is that you cut ties as soon as possible , I know you must love your Mom very much ...but the fact is you yourself can't fix another persons mistakes , no matter how much you love that person or wish that you could .

    I've been around alcoholics myself so I know how it can be ….i might sound heartless here , but for a person like the one your describing , I have no sympathy , I know people will say "its the alcohol " and that this guy's suffering too , but I can't abide behaviour like that …

    I wouldn't recommend you do what I would do in your shoes ...as that would more than likely land you in a psychiatric institution and /or jail , so what I would suggest is that you look at your options , one way or another your going to have to cut ties and get out of that environment.

    This person gets off on fear , on making people afraid of him ...i can tell you now don't be , he's weak and a coward , you cant let yourself live in fear of what he might do and every confrontation he'll try to start up …

    I’m sorry but you have to put your Mom to one side right now and you can't let your love for her blind you , there could be any number of reasons why your mom has chosen to take his side rather than that of her own son ...and I know this must be really painful for you , this can be something you can deal with at a later date when matters have cooled down and your mom's had time to think.

    The immediate threat is this guy …

    Right now ...your relationship with your mom is broken , you cant let the fear of damaging that relationship further stop you from dealing with this guy , because right now , with this guy in the way you can't salvage anything from that relationship.

    The long hard way ...is for now you hunker down and bear it , move out ...let time pass , eventually maybe after months or years , your mom will eventually find the courage to brake up with this guy , but don't believe that will magically fix all the problems ...the fact is it could even widen the gap between you and your mom , its something I've seen happen a few times sadly.

    So I have to ask ...is beating the living crap outta him not an option ? And If not why not ?

    Not that I’m condoning violence , its just that in your situation I’d find it very hard to restrain myself , from the way you describe the situation , it seems like you need to find a way of getting rid of him while leaving your mom guilt free and blameless …

    Is your mom actually in love with this guy ? Is she perhaps afraid of him ? Or maybe afraid of being single ?

    I have to ask has he physically attacked you or your mom ? Actually hit ether of you ?

    Or is he more of a psychological abuser ?

    Remember "YOU" are not the problem , there is absolutely , positively nothing wrong with "YOU" , your just caught in the middle of a bad situation , you hold no blame and none of this is your fault , always remember that …

    Remember , even though you love your mom ...she is the one at fault maybe she's just too afraid to admit to herself the mistake she's making or that her own insecurity's are blinding her from seeing the truth , we all want to see our mothers as being flawless and blameless and it can be hard and even very painful for any child ( no matter the age ) to see such a flaw in a person they love so much , but try to remember that she's still just a person , a human fallible person and people make mistakes ...
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