I've really tried to cope with my depression. I've moved countries, changed jobs, changed boyfriends, done a stint in a psychiactric ward, tried different medications, tried self-medication, tried to kill myself countless times. My latest attempt to get well has involved taking unpaid leave from work - but I still wish I could just go to sleep and end it all. I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm staying with my mum at the moment, but all I do is worry her and she has a new man in her life and doesn't really need me here. My dad lives down the road, but manages to upset me every time I see him. I'm so angry with the odd friend that I have for not being there for me. I'm angry with myself for making such a mess of my life. I just don't know where to go next or who to turn to. I'm 38 years old and feel like my life is over and I've felt like that for most of my thirties. I know I will die by my own hand one day. It is just a matter of when and right now I wish it could be now.