I'm so sorry for everything

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ziva, Jan 1, 2011.

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  1. Ziva

    Ziva Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for how I've been acting lately, it's just that I can no longer handle anything anymore. I've been depressed and suicidal for a while now, and the doctors won't do anything. I even went to a psychiatric hospital one day but they actually dismissed me and said my problems weren't that big, even after showing them the cuts on my arms(I've been cutting myself). I left within two hours of arriving there.

    I thought things might get better, but that was only a fleeting illusion. My ex-boyfriend still continues to harass me, he went and posted a picture of me on this website called Wikia were you could make your own Wikipedia the other day, he stole my Facebook picture and put it on there. I thought I had him blocked but obviously he had a side account under a different name or something since he found my picture and put it up there. I reported it to the Wikia community but I don't know if it will be removed. I changed my profile picture anyway, to one of my cat so nobody can get any pictures of me personally anymore. I called the police since he has been harassing me since last year and when I spoke of this incident, they said they couldn't do anything, yet they gladly press charges on me because of some phone call I made that yes, I know I souldn't have made, to a woman who made my life hell for being epileptic, because she claims I said things that I would never say, and they basically went with her story because she's older. All I said was why did she press charges on me for assault(I hit her while in a seizure in a hospital bed, I wasn't even aware of what happened since I was in a SEIZURE and mom was gone to get the car when that happened- the hospital released me while I was still unconscious), when it was in a hospital, and why did she refuse to look at my medical file detailing my medical history on seizures when it was offered to her?

    My ex-boyfriend has been going online posting personal things about me, like my phone number, street address, etc. yet I never did that with him, he has also been calling me down to dirt and stalking me on different websites, particularly one website called DeviantArt. Everytime I would make a new account and I would not put any information in it that could link the account to me, even the username would not be one that he would easily guess to be me, he would somehow get it anyway and post harassing messages, and these are on websites I am not going to quit since people that are my friends are on there. I would block him on his "known" account when I would make the new account, but he would just make another account to go and post on my profile harassing things. And This is on a site where unfortunately you can't make it so only friends can post on your profile, ANYONE can post on it, but like I said before, this is a site I'm using to keep in contact with friends that are not living near me, since this is a site where you can post artwork up and my friends on there that I know from school and such that are not living near me are talented artists and I like to look at their work. I have another account on there now, and this time I went and put in a fake name(I used to put nothing in for the name), location(I used to put nothing in for the location either),etc. and so far he hasn't bugged me on that account, and I made that account two days ago, but only time will tell.

    The police and psychiatric counsellors in my province are a joke, they won't charge a person who posts your phone number and name and street address everywhere and calls you down to dirt publically(my ex-boyfriend has said worse things than what the nurse that is making my life hell is claiming that I said, and I never said any of the things the nurse is claiming I said, and my ex-boyfriend has said these things online, where it is in print and PROOF is there of what he said, but will the cops do anything? No, they would rather support a woman who is 45 years old that is claiming stuff that was said on the phone, where there is NO PROOF, only that I called her, as the phone records show, and the call didn't last very long.). My charge of assault was dismissed basically, and I was not told to stay away from the woman by the way, and also, I nly found out her real name the day I went to court, not before, so I called her after the day I went to court for the assault charge, only to find out why she would pursue a charge when information was offered to her, and yes, I know that was a stupid thing to do, I have been told so before.

    Anyway, sorry if that seems like I'm rambling on I'm just frustrated with it all.
    I still want to die, and have made a recent suicide attempt that obviously failed. On December 16th, 2010 I overdosed big time on this benzodiazepam drug and I only fell asleep and woke up to my answering machine beeping an hour later, Mom and Dad called since I was supposed to meet Dad at 2:00 p.m. and go for lunch with him. I told them what happened, and the next day I went to the psychiatric ward but was dismissed a little while later, as said above. I just can't handle this anymore, and don't know what to do. My life is a waste, I just have a feeling that the courts will take this nurse's side, we're going to trial and saying that I did not harass her, I'm arguing that she is lying about what was said to her, but I just have this feeling that they will take her side. No wonder I am bullied badly still at 21 years old(my birthday was December 20th). I'm a screw up who only screws things up, I don't bring much good into people's lives as I have been told before. I just wish I would die already.
     
  2. happyville

    happyville Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry about your situation, hon, but don't lose hope until you actually go to trial for the accusations. Have you tried any other wards? I hope you can find the help that you need. In the meantime, stay and talk to us here.
     
  3. Ziva

    Ziva Well-Known Member

    I tried two, one in my hospital, and the one that is in a hospital that is for ONLY psychiatric problems. The one that is for ONLY psychiatric problems is the one that dismissed me.
     
  4. Ziva

    Ziva Well-Known Member

    Oh yea and that new boyfriend I posted about earlier(back in December 2010)? He turned out to be a jerk, my ex-boyfriend from before that is still harassing me though, and the cops don't give a shit.
     
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