I'm so tired. I can't even get it right. I tried to apply ten pain patches on at once but I got sick. All I needed to do was go to sleep and it would have been done. I thought I would just got to sleep and my heart will stop, but I didn't take any sleep medications (I have a sleep disorder and I need meds). After a couple of hours, I get really sick and took the patches off. I'm so sick that I've failed again. All I needed to do was to take sleep meds and I wouldn't be here. I used all my pain patches and I don't have another chance. This was my best shot at a painless suicide and I blew it. STUPID! This was third attempt and I don't feel like I lucky. I will need to go to plan B and not worry that or who finds me. This can't just go on. I'm certain that I will get lucky soon. I just want all this crap to stop. Something gotta go right. I haven't done anything to anyone. I just want to get out of this sickening life. I don't cry out for help, in fact no one knows that I'm suicidal. I want it that way. I will leave a note so that they don't need to try to find who did this.