Im so tired. I am spent.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DontGiveUpOnMe, Jun 15, 2012.

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  1. Ive called a suicide hotline a bunch of times now, and yes. it helped.
    But the fact is, I know it wont get better. My life is a mess.
    My therapist calls it "dissociative" somethin somethin, I dont know.
    What I do know..
    is I never know exactly what im doing. I feel annoyed that its 2012. its 2012 and last thing I could really relate to was 2009. But no, im stuck here.
    Im stuck being 21 years old. when I dont feel that age.
    Ive been fighting the urge to die since I was a little kid, because my earliest memory, is of my mother trying to kick me ...and I was just a little kid.Both my parents hurt me, then more people hurt me.
    and its just not gonna get better....
    I dont want to keep fighting im so incredibly tired.
    Im just so...tired.
    the therapist, who I finally got to talk to, just had a death in the family and is gone... even if she comes back, how can I expect her to listen to me when shes had a death in the family, I dont know who it was but still.

    Im feeling so tired of trying to get better, I dont want medication, you know why? because if I cant live in my own little world....and then i have to face my reality, which is that all this shit really happened to me.....then I think It might just kill me, make me snap.

    I feel horrible, and then I apparently go to therapy and say im fine...and everything isO.K. when its not.
    Why do I do things I dont mean to do...why does my life seem like a neverending time warp.
    I dont feel like I know anybody im around, Im sick of being here..Im sick of this.
    Its just gonna get worse I dont know where to turn.
    So I tried to just post here.
  2. EisNayk

    EisNayk Well-Known Member

    memories of the past are very painful. but if you can get some good friends then you can normally avoid things that would trigger those memories.
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