I keep thinking about jumping. Everyday. I push it out of my mind every morning and pretend to be happy around everyone in my real life. I crack my jokes and act like a spaz to both keep on the mask in front of everyone and to lie to myself that I'm happy. I'm tired. I wish I'd never been born. When I was a kid my mother broke down once and told me I was a mistake. All of the therapy and the medication in the world can't erase that feeling. My entire life has just been one, big, ugly mistake. Before I left home I found all of my pictures. From birth up till the time I left, and destroyed them all. I donated almost all of my things to charity. It's been my way of erasing the mistake that was me. I thought about writing a letter to my mother, agreeing with her that I was indeed a mistake and should have been aborted. I am never going to be happy, and I will never be functional. I'm 26 and can't even finish college.