Well, this is probably going to be long, but I need some help so whatever. I'm tired. I guess I'll start off with having no friends. You see I'm almost 20 years old and I have had social anxiety my entire life. I'm also quite ugly. This doesn't really attract people and I know it's my own fault and I can't expect people to pursue me, but I'm lonely and I don't know what to do. The only people I hang out with are drug addicts and I see them once a week. I just go there, smoke pot, and drink until I pass out. While doing this, they are sure to let me know that I'm ugly at least once a night, it's great... Obviously I've also never had a real girlfriend. I actually have only dated a girl online and I ended up getting hurt. I know it's immature. She lived about 8 hours away from me and gave me some hope. We used to go on webcam all the time and she was pretty, definitely out of my league. She had a lot of problems though, like myself. I guess that's why she was with me. She pretty much used me for comfort, and some webcam sex together. (I know it's sad.) She told me that she wanted me to move down there and live with her and I was actually planning to. That's when she told me that she had been sleeping with her ex boyfriend outside of our whole little online thing and she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. It hurt, but that's life I guess. I shouldn't have been dating online in the first place, it's weird. Then there's my education. I dropped out of high school when I was younger because of my anxiety. However, I have gone back this year and I've got about a year of high school left and I'm maintaining 85-95's. It doesn't feel good though. No satisfaction at all... I just feel like meh all the time. I'm not even sure it's worth going anymore, I can't see myself in college or university because I don't really like being there. Finally, there is my health. I'm 5'8" 120lbs and I'm a 20 year old guy. The doctors say I don't have anything wrong with me and that it's just my metabolism but I feel very lethargic a lot and weak. I've also got arthritis and it really sucks... Crooked fingers, pain all the time. It's just extremely tiring. To add onto this I have a receding hairline, the face of a 16 year old boy, crooked teeth, and a bit of a lisp. I don't even really have family. They've abused me my entire life... I mean, I still live with them, it's just we don't talk at all and whenever we do talk it's them putting me down. I know I'm not the greatest person on earth, but I wish people would stop. I can't even find a job because of all my problems. I don't know what to do right now... I'm just tired as I said and I've really been thinking about killing myself a lot lately.