I'm so tired of trying

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by imsosad, Jan 11, 2013.

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  1. imsosad

    imsosad Active Member

    I have taken lots of antidepressants, tried anti psychotics, therapy, CBT, and still feel like I am always at the bottom of a pit. I know all the "correct" ways to think and that you should surround yourself with happy, loving, caring people. What happens if everyone around you, your family, spouse, kids, siblings are the ones that keep dragging you back? Since it's everyone around me that must mean the problem is me. The only way to put distance between me and the people who cause me the stress is to run away or die. I am not worth anyone else changing so why can't I just find a way to end it and the courage to finish the job? Why do I have to keep failing at everything? Can't talk honestly with anyone here, no one understands and just gives me stupid platitudes. It's not going to get better, I won't snap out of it and I am alone. Should have never been born.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You do not know what the future will entail you do not have those powers hun no one does. Your meds are not working can you tell me you have tried all the new ones out there they can and do help if you get right ones hun and yes we do understand we do lot of us have been where you are and we thought as you did but we are still here hun and you are not alone now ok keep talking to us hugs
  3. imsosad

    imsosad Active Member

    I have side effects with most of them, had some relief with lithium but not enough for all the side effects. sick of being a guinnea pig, sick of fighting with everyone, sick of everything. Why do people expect me to suck it up and live with it? "that's not an option" Says who??? It's always an option.
  4. Tia

    Tia Well-Known Member

    Hi imsosad

    I understand how frusterating it is, trust me
    please don't believe the problem is you. It's not you. You have been through alot, going through alot still and you have worked hard to get better and just feel 'ok'.
    and right now you are in a crisis and need help. Here , on this site you are not alone.. I understand not being able to talk honestly with people. That takes alot of trust..and some things are very sensitive, and it can be frightening... or you may feel people don't care.. but we do.. and all of us here have been there.. feeling so bad and tired..some wishing we were never born and so on.

    You are important, you deserve help and support. Please don't give up yet..
    I have also been at that point where I thought i'd never get out of that hell.. but I did. I still do feel suicidal.. but I am now on the right medication and it makes so much difference.

    Have they mentioned any different meds or different dosages?
    sometimes even the dosage can make a big difference.

    I'm so sorry you are at this point right now

    keep talking to us

  5. imsosad

    imsosad Active Member

    Still tired, not sleeping, still thinking everyone would be better off without me. It's just too much work to try to put on a happy face everyday. I try not to think about doing it but it always comes back. I talked to my family dr and she tries but how can I believe that things will get better? Seems I've been feeling like this for so long. She said my son would have an increased chance of committing suicide if I do but what kind of a mother am I now? I know he worries all the time, how can that be better?
  6. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    He may worry about you but he can know that he is loved and you're still fighting. If you die, he may think that when things get tough in his own life as he gets older he can say to himself that he can commit "because my mum did."
  7. imsosad

    imsosad Active Member

    That is absolutely the only thought that stops me walking out of the house and just doing it right now. I don't want to hurt him but I don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm tired of opening my eyes in the morning and feeling useless and helpless. I feel like a cork that just floats on top of all the shit life can think to throw at me. I feel alone in a house full of family with only my son who seems to still care. For him I'm going to try again to talk with my pdoc. It's so hard to sit in an office and try to explain how it feels inside, I feel stupid and whiny trying to tell her how serious my thoughts are becoming.
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