I am so SICK of hurting. Of being sensitive and compassionate, and always trying to find that elusive thread of hope. Feeling like it's a carrot on a stick. I am so tired... Of knowing that I'm trying to be the best person I can possibly be... and always falling short of my goals. Of believing love lasts forever... and being in the middle when it doesn't. Of striving to stay positive all the time, because I'm sick of being my own worst enemy... and then having it all come out in my dreams while I'm powerless to do anything but watch. Of seeing people suffer, and feel pain, and anguish... in their own personal hells, and I can't even hug them, nor they, me. Of thinking that tomorrow will be better... which I thought yesterday, and it wasn't. Of feeling so utterly lonely. Of going to bed at night, alone, thinking of others who are in each other's arms... and I have no one, because I didn't say something right, or do something right, or be something right. And I don't understand how to do, how to say, or how to be. I'm just so tired.