I'm sorry for posting again

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sadhart, Nov 3, 2014.

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  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I;m not trying to create my own misery on purpose or anything, but over the weekend, I have felt myself becoming frustrated where i am at in life. I don't think i will ever get over the hurt and pain from my past and i don't see things getting better in my future. all i feel like my present is right now is just a constant waste of just barely getting by. Emoitonally, I am not happy and I just see no hope. i can't go into details right now due to time contraints, and I'm sorry for being vague.

    I just hate not having things like happiness, love, and prosperity in my life. i hate not feeling like I deserve those things.
     
  2. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Sorry for the belated response, how are you feeling now?
     
  3. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    honestly...i feel like shit. no matter how hard i try to be my own person, I am alwyas going to be a failure in life and I am so tired of hurting and i know that im rambling right now but I feel really overwhelmed and emotionally tired of life.
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You weren't rambling. But even if you were, that's okay. Sometimes we all just need to get things out.
     
  5. Donnanobispacem

    Donnanobispacem Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you feel like that, all I can say is life is hard sometimes and 'love, happiness and prosperity' elude us despite best efforts.

    I am currently re-defining what those things mean to be honest, love is loving myself and being able to take care of myself; happiness is achieving small goals- cook dinner, assert myself, do something creative; prosperity is I manage things as best I can, that might mean sometime I have to claim disability benefits, when giving up work will really upset me.

    Hope you feel better soon.
     
  6. Jasp

    Jasp Active Member

    Hey there Sadhart,

    You don't sound so desperate yet, just frustrated.. Maybe really frustrated, am I right? Well, life is worth so much, don't waste it! I've been to a place of utter darkness, where the only thing I wanted was the suffering to stop by means of ending my life, and I knew for certain that my suffering would never lessen. Well, in fact, my suffering didn't really lessen, but it turned out that I was able to carry it contrary to what I believed at first. Radiant happiness and euforia won't be my experiences in this lifetime anymore, on the contrary, I believe it will be one of severe suffering, but I found that life has still meaning and that's something worth fighting for. I hope you do too! Read more about me in the thread that I started, it is in the "success stories forum". Good luck! And you know, happiness for me now is seeing a beautiful colour, tasting something good, seeing a beautiful sky, a baby smiling, touching whool. About one year ago from now I lived in extatic joy and everything I touched seemed to turn into gold, now I'm more or less free of suicidal thoughts since a few weeks and still struggling heavily, but you know what, I've found that I'm not particulary less happy than I used to be, because what they say is true: happiness lies within and not in the outside world. Find meaning and purpose in your life and just pay attention to the small miracles that happen every day. Once you put your attention on them you see them everywhere.
     
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Life may seem like a series of failures but whatever you survive you're a stronger person as a result of those mistakes. ALL of us have made mistakes its only up to yourself to pick yourself back up and keep on going. It can be frustrating if its one thing after another, just remember to take it one thing at a time and address it when it comes, not everything can be addressed at once then it'll be overwhelming and frustrating. Just take it easy and one thing at a time until you can handle multi-tasking again.
     
  8. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Yesterday, I needed my cousin's help for some things and that was frustrating. i mean I appreciated her helping me, but I felt bad because I resent her for certain things. I resent her because for years she has intefered in my life in particular when it comes to my life in regards to the mental health system. Her view about mental health is very narrow minded and it is frustrating when someone like her tries to push their knowledge (or lack thereof) onto someone and has no consideration for that person's view. i don't know if I explained that right.

    She is just really overbearing at times and tries to use her age as an excuse to justify that. when we were at a bank yesterday, she acted kind of rude and she has acted that way before in public places. There's no reason for it...she once got mad at a cashier because they didn't sell an item the way she wanted. Basically, if I acted the way she did, my mental health would be put into question, but she acts wrong in ways and it's okay.

    That's the frustration of having to deal with my family....i know I need their help at times, and I do appreciate it, but they can be so toxic and wrong and not do anything about it but just be "set in their ways" It's what I hate about working on myself and staying sober and improving my mental health ( on my terms)...it all seems pointless at times to conitnue to do so.

    Also, yesterday I spoke with my psychiatrist again and while she is respectful of my decision to not take meds at this time, it was kind of uncomfortable talking to her. She's somewhat an animated person, which after talking to monotone doctors or doctors who were just outright assholes, I guess that isn't entirely a bad thing. But the fact is it just feels like she's trying to sell me something..only that something is a pill and I am not into medication..too many bad experiences. But at the same time, I feel so socially inept and flawed. I can't make simple conversation with people and it feels that having real relationships with people is impossible. But the thought of relying on a pill to feel "normal" makes me sick. It sure as hell didn't do anything in the past other make me fat and act very erratic.

    I don't know....that's all i got.
     
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