J
I realize I have almost NO right to be posting any of this.. so I'm sorry in advanced.
Is it possible to apologize too much?
To generalize this. I'M CONFUSED!
To elaborate...
I've felt down for a couple weeks now. and having someone repeatedly tell me to go ahead and kill myself.. that they ACTUALLY WANT me to do this.. well let's just say thats enough to basically just kick me in the face. I mean.. the equivilent to it.. I'm sorry for who I am ok? I've never really liked who I am in the first place so I understand completely. Maybe I AM that horrible person I've felt like I am all this time.. maybe I've become that person I was afraid of becoming my entire life. The entire time I've fought these crap urges to end my own life because there WAS that glimmer of hope in thinking that people out there wouldn't see that in me.. that they would be there to tell me and show me I'm wrong. That they'd care... maybe I'm wrong.. maybe that glimmer was only for so long...
I know you hate who I am, well I hate me too. All I can say is I'm sorry. So very sorry.
The other side...
You totally BS me all these weeks we've talked.. telling me how much you care. how proud you are of me.. how much I mean to YOU. BULLSHIT! Don't bullshit me. I'm not stupid. I'm not going to let you feed me this shit and hurt me like SO many before. Jesus !!! You say all this.. and more or less have me believing it.. then you go and pull something like the other night?! I've basically got the blade to my arm.. the gun to my head.. hand on the trigger.. and you say ok, bye.
Thank you for giving up on me too. Another name to add to the list. Right?
I should be used to this by now... Sorry once again that I'm not..
The hurt.. needs to stop... please...
Is it possible to apologize too much?
To generalize this. I'M CONFUSED!
To elaborate...
I've felt down for a couple weeks now. and having someone repeatedly tell me to go ahead and kill myself.. that they ACTUALLY WANT me to do this.. well let's just say thats enough to basically just kick me in the face. I mean.. the equivilent to it.. I'm sorry for who I am ok? I've never really liked who I am in the first place so I understand completely. Maybe I AM that horrible person I've felt like I am all this time.. maybe I've become that person I was afraid of becoming my entire life. The entire time I've fought these crap urges to end my own life because there WAS that glimmer of hope in thinking that people out there wouldn't see that in me.. that they would be there to tell me and show me I'm wrong. That they'd care... maybe I'm wrong.. maybe that glimmer was only for so long...
I know you hate who I am, well I hate me too. All I can say is I'm sorry. So very sorry.
The other side...
You totally BS me all these weeks we've talked.. telling me how much you care. how proud you are of me.. how much I mean to YOU. BULLSHIT! Don't bullshit me. I'm not stupid. I'm not going to let you feed me this shit and hurt me like SO many before. Jesus !!! You say all this.. and more or less have me believing it.. then you go and pull something like the other night?! I've basically got the blade to my arm.. the gun to my head.. hand on the trigger.. and you say ok, bye.
Thank you for giving up on me too. Another name to add to the list. Right?
I should be used to this by now... Sorry once again that I'm not..
The hurt.. needs to stop... please...
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