Im sorry i lost you...

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by LenaLunacy, Jun 16, 2008.

  1. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    So, after my own stupidity dragging and lifting heavy items, including but not limited to; a bed and a desk, around my room i lost my baby today. I was 17 weeks.
    I went to the midwife on an emergency apppointment this afternoon, because i hadn't felt the baby kick in almost 24 hours and i was a little worried. She did a scan thing and found no heartbeat and confirmed that my baby had died.
    I then had to be transferred to the local hospital where they gave me a pill to induce miscarriage.
    It was really scary and traumatic. I cant stop shaking, i want my baby back. I may not have known him/her but i loved the lil thing. And now the pain wont stop and i don't know what i'm living for.
    I feel awful :( I don't know what to do anymore. This feels so surreal, yet the pain cuts me like a knife.
    Sorry if this didn't make much sense, im crying as i write this.

    Letter to my baby;
    Dear baby;
    I'm so sorry that I killed you. I never meant for this to happen because you were my dream, my everything. You gave me a reason, some hope that everything would be okay. Even on my bad days, i knew i could hold it together till you were born. You deserved a chance for life and i deprived you of that.
    Now you're gone, all i want is to be with you. I wasn't planning on keeping you, i didn't think i'd be a good enough mom, but now i realise i could have done my best, and that the amount of love i have for you would have been enough to compensate for my shortcomings.
    I hope you're happy where you are and don't fear 'cos mommy's gonna join you soon, i promise.
    My sweet angel, i love you and will forever.
    Love,
    Mommy.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2008
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I'm so sorry :( :hug: You can't blame yourself though, you're not to know what caused this. Unfortunately, miscarriages can just happen, so please don't blame yourself. Thinking of you. :hug:
     
  3. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    :hug:

    I'm so sorry hunny :hug: Massive hugs to you.

    It's natural that you will blame yourself, I have had 2 miscarriages & both times I have blamed myself. More often than not we pick up on every little thing that we did or didn't do. Sadly the reality is that there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

    It is still very early days hun so be gentle on yourself.

    Take care xx

    Floaty kisses to your angel ~x~x~
     
  4. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    hugsss
     
  5. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    I'm so sorry!
     
  6. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    i'm sorry :sad:
     
  7. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    :hug: :hug: I'm sorry :sad:
     
  8. ~sal~

    ~sal~ Member

    i'm so sorry hunni :sad: :hug:
     
  9. Aissela

    Aissela Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry to hear these sad news...Please take care :hug:
     
  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry about your child cerise. Please do not blame things on yourself. Moving furniture etc. is not that uncommon for women that are expecting. You will never knoe the reason you miscarried, but it was not from something you did wrong. :hug:
     
  11. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun I'm so sorry for what has happened.
     
  12. ZundertowZ

    ZundertowZ Well-Known Member

    im sorry i understand the loss of an unborn!