So, after my own stupidity dragging and lifting heavy items, including but not limited to; a bed and a desk, around my room i lost my baby today. I was 17 weeks. I went to the midwife on an emergency apppointment this afternoon, because i hadn't felt the baby kick in almost 24 hours and i was a little worried. She did a scan thing and found no heartbeat and confirmed that my baby had died. I then had to be transferred to the local hospital where they gave me a pill to induce miscarriage. It was really scary and traumatic. I cant stop shaking, i want my baby back. I may not have known him/her but i loved the lil thing. And now the pain wont stop and i don't know what i'm living for. I feel awful I don't know what to do anymore. This feels so surreal, yet the pain cuts me like a knife. Sorry if this didn't make much sense, im crying as i write this. Letter to my baby; Dear baby; I'm so sorry that I killed you. I never meant for this to happen because you were my dream, my everything. You gave me a reason, some hope that everything would be okay. Even on my bad days, i knew i could hold it together till you were born. You deserved a chance for life and i deprived you of that. Now you're gone, all i want is to be with you. I wasn't planning on keeping you, i didn't think i'd be a good enough mom, but now i realise i could have done my best, and that the amount of love i have for you would have been enough to compensate for my shortcomings. I hope you're happy where you are and don't fear 'cos mommy's gonna join you soon, i promise. My sweet angel, i love you and will forever. Love, Mommy.