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I'm sorry, ok, I'm SORRY!!!

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Sa Palomera

Well-Known Member
I don't want to hurt people, I don't want to "fuck with people's minds" or "play games with people" I HATE hurting people and I HATE it when people play games like that, but apparently I do it myself as well..

I'm sorry for hurting the people I've hurt, I'm sorry for playing games with people, I'm sorry for fucking with people's minds. I'm sorry. I can't erase the past, as much as I'd want to. If I could erase I wouldn't of fucking come to this site in the first place, I'd have just fucking go on searching for methods untill I'd have found proper methods instead of sticking around here, ok! than I wouldn't of had the chance to "fuck with people's minds"!

I'm sorry i'm sorry I'm sorry.

it's not like I dont know I have fucked people up, why do you think I've been trying to distance myself and block myself out. why do you think I've been trying to stop people from getting to know me too well. Why do you think i'm so glad I have a job and barely any online time, so I can't fucking mess up my online friends' lives. So I can't be a waste of time to people anymore. at work I make myself usefull, it's the only place where I'm not a waste of time.

but yeah, thank you for rubbing it in again.

Dont respond to this, I'm not angry at anyone, I just need it off, before I start bottling it all up and get aggressive.


:hug: You know I care for you so much, Ester, and that despite everything we've been through, I still feel like you are a wonderful addition to my life and I am very happy I met you. You took me through this emotional devastation I've been hurting from this week, and you've kept me alive. You are a very awesome person and I love you. :hug:
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Sa Palomera

Well-Known Member
dont think of me like that Kurt, because apparently I'll end up fucking with your mind.
You'll end up getting hurt. DOn't even start liking me as a friend. Don't make fun with me. We can't have fun, we can't jack around, because apparently I'll end up hurting you anyway.

guess what, ALL just fuck off out of my life, I dont want to hurt you. so just fuck off, everyone

Sa Palomera

Well-Known Member
okay and since i"m at it:
I'm sorry that you spent so much money on me, I'm sorry that you spent time on me, I'm sorry that you met me, I'm sorry that you even know me at all.

Sa Palomera

Well-Known Member
and I'm sorry that you fucking had to fuck my mother and ended up having me, you asshole.
and I'm sorry that I'm born and now she's dead, whereas you'd rather have seen it the other way around.
and I'm sorry I'm not like her or my Sister, I'm not what you want me to be, I don't do what you want me to do.

Father, you fucking asshole! You NEVER apologize for any fucking single thing to me, whereas I think you definitely owe me some. How about "I'm sorry for not accepting you the way you are? " or "I"m sorry for blaming you" or "I'm sorry for being disappointed in you eventhough you try your best" or how about "I'm sorry for not loving you"

Please don't talk like that hun :sad: I'm very glad i met you if you must know. Am not gonna think otherwise. I wish you wouldn't 'fuck off' out my life because you mean so much to me. I care so much. :sad:

Love u lots n lots

Viks x

Sa Palomera

Well-Known Member
why do I let you get to me so mjuch, even now still you mkother fuckeher
Wish I had a cookie I'd be off my face now. In fact I'm not gonna go to work today I'll just go buy hashcookies so I can get off my face today, enough alcohol over here. My housemate even gave me another bottle of martini cos he didnt find it tasty or whatever. oh god today is gonna be greatly off my face then tomorrow work till 3 pm and after that off my face again. hmpf.

asshole. i dont love you
Est hun, please think about this. You've come this far without the hash cookies. Got a job without the hashcookies. You don't need them. How many times have you asked me not to drink? and i haven't for YOU. Please don't have any alcohol or hashcookies. Please hun, im begging you.


Well-Known Member
I love you hun.

My dad doesn't love me either, I keep wishing he would but he just hurts me over and over again. My mum if a fucking psycho but I won't go into that.

But I have new family now, great family, family that I chose, that I want to have a relationship with, that I will be there for, and hopefully they'll be there for me. And you're part of my new family Ester, I love you.

Sa Palomera

Well-Known Member
I do not deserve this. I do not deserve you: I deserve better. I know i'm a horrible person, but you are worse and I deserve better than you.

For all other persons: you don't deserve me, you deserve better. Why do I find it so hard to take my distance from all of you? Why do I find it hard to block myself out. I need to stop posting here about myself. I need to stop posting on here at all. In fact I need to stop coming here at all.
But I can't cos I've come to care about people too much.

ah well whatever


I don't even know what the fuck I deserve, other than death, and so be it, I'll fucking die. I just keep getting hurt, not by you, Ester, but by this entire world, hence the reason I need to die, to keep me from getting hurt. I'm so alone, and I don't deserve this. I need death, I want death, and so be it if this weekend doesn't show any improvement in my life.
Est, you don't deserve to be hurt and you don't deserve any of this. Please remember that we all care about you just as much as you care about them. Please remember we care. :cheekkiss

Sa Palomera

Well-Known Member
why are you all so blind? Don't you guys get it? I AM a horrible person, I DO deserve this pain. I deserve to be treated like shit.

Stop being nice to me cos it's driving me mad.
So we've all gotta change our opinions and feelings because its driving you mad? life don't work like that. Imagine if i was to turn around say don't care about me would u be able to do it? would u be able to do it with anyone? i don't think so. So don't try tell us to do something that you wouldn't be able to do.

Rant and rave at us all you like. Call us anything you want. Won't change how much we care.
Ok its time to say this in public.

Est, I bare no grudges ok....I bare no ill feeling towards you at all, I havent for many weeks now, you know this...

I no longer love you, and I havent for some time. Im not even sure what we had was trully love, we certainly care about each other, perhaps our emotions got the better of us...I really dont know. All I know is I still care about your welfare, I still care about your well being, I still consider you a close friend, and somebody I will do anything to help, but I dont love you.

Thats how I see it...

I know we will remain friends, whether we will be close...lifelong friends I dont know, but friends neverless....and I still plan...if my mind, and my destiny permits, to visit Holland one day and see you...go to a few gigs and so on :).

In terms of how you see yourself...well we all deserve affection, kindness, and you deserve it much as anybody else. You need to stop thinking you need to be punished, and start appreciating it for what it is....unconditional friendship and affection.

Take care :hug:
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Sa Palomera

Well-Known Member
please just SEE THIS PEOPLE!!!!
I fucking said I was going to KILL myself as revenge on my DAD! That's inacceptable. That's WRONG. I fuck with people's minds, I fuck with people, I hurt people.
PLEASE WALK AWAY. what do I need to do to make you guys stop loving me.!!!???


:cry: I know I shouldn't have read this. Matt, no offense, but what you said to Ester was a bit harsh. I mean, it couldn't have helped her hearing someone say to her that they don't love her anymore. I'm having a difficult enough time trying to cope with the loss of Cynthia, and I doubt I'm going to survive this. So, I can imagine Ester is dealing with enough pain, she needs our support, and yes, she deserves love. Ester, if I don't make it past this weekend, which is entirely possible considering how I feel, please know that I love you and I hope you have a pleasant life here. Know that when it's time, you'll see me on the island. Take care.
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