But I am starting to see my life as more and more meaningless each day. Last month, I was able to get one year of sobriety and I am grateful for it, but it doesn't erase all the hurt and heartache I still feel after all these years. I saw someone at the recovery house who actually graduated from the program, get drunk this past weekend. The guy is in his 60's and he is always talking like he just has all this together. I'm 33 and what I fear is that I will end up just like him: In and out of recovery programs for the next three decades? It's not just that...all around me I see just about everyone else have this thing in their life called happiness. I don't know what it is and I don't think I ever will. It really hurts and it's starting to become hard to hide. I'm sorry to ramble like this and mayb I'm not making sense. I'm just really tired right now. I'm sorry.