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I'm sorry to open up like this again

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sadhart, Apr 7, 2015.

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  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    But I am starting to see my life as more and more meaningless each day. Last month, I was able to get one year of sobriety and I am grateful for it, but it doesn't erase all the hurt and heartache I still feel after all these years. I saw someone at the recovery house who actually graduated from the program, get drunk this past weekend. The guy is in his 60's and he is always talking like he just has all this together. I'm 33 and what I fear is that I will end up just like him: In and out of recovery programs for the next three decades?

    It's not just that...all around me I see just about everyone else have this thing in their life called happiness. I don't know what it is and I don't think I ever will. It really hurts and it's starting to become hard to hide. I'm sorry to ramble like this and mayb I'm not making sense. I'm just really tired right now. I'm sorry.
  2. cymbele

    cymbele SF Supporter

    Congratulations on your one year anniversary. It is quite an achievement.

    I haven't been through a 12 step program but hold fast to your success and you won't end up back in the program.

    It seems like other people have it together but they're just hiding it well. True, some are happy, most are struggling in their own way.
    I just wanted to say congrats.
  3. zamby

    zamby Member

    i too would like to congratulate you on your sobriaty. I gave up a couple bad habits 4 yrs ago and i felt the same way. It took a couple years before i started to feel that passion for life again. Hang in there It will come
  4. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Thank you, I appreciate the congrats. I really want to hang in there, but I just don't know at this time. i am sorry for sounding ungrateful.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Congrats on one year being sober. That is difficult. Must have been very hard but you kept going because you are strong Hang in there my friend, it gets better :hug:
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Happiness doesnt find you. You need to find happiness.

    Congratulations on staying sober.
  7. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    AS another person mentioned, happiness is not just the lack of negative things - you have managed to get sober which gives the potential for happiness but now you have to find something else to fill your life with, something you can find happiness or contentment with. That something is different for everybody and is most assuredly more than one or even a few things, whether it is watching birds, playing games, hobbies, relationship, work, - anything that makes you smile fore few minutes and feel a little better than before. Then you do those things when you can or more often and find other things.

    Happiness is not a constant joy or jubilation, and it is not just the absence of pain or sorrow- it is its own thing and if you have laughed at a cute joke or story or smiled at seeing something in the last year you have found happiness and just need to find it more often and for longer duration to turn those fleeting moments into contentment. If you are searching for a constant state of joy or jubilation or a state like that that lasts more than a few hours at a time then you are looking for unicorns and something that does not exist and that search is making you unable to appreciate the smaller things that happen everyday and therefore unable to take pleasure from them. You need to search out and work to attain happiness and contentment, it is not an automatic. That is why depression is so "easy", it requires no effort at all and is just there. Happiness takes effort.
  8. Vaughan

    Vaughan Well-Known Member

    Sobriety is each and every day. If you fall off the wagon - and statistically you will - then the thing is to get back on it again. It's not an all or nothing thing.

    Which should NOT be taken as a "oh well, it doesn't matter if I have a week off the wagon, I cn always get back on again" type of thing. Instead, Each and every day is a celebration if you managed to get through it without imbibing. But should you fail, it's never too late to try again.

    Happiness? Who can define it? If it someone simply content to sit and have a cup of coffee in the sun? Or is it only happening when you're roaring with laughter? Happiness, contentment (a better word) is different for everyone. Some people would be content with simply having the voice in their head stop. Others need adventure.

    And remember, everyone who has an addiction is running from something. It's what we call "self-medicating", where we're using a substance to make our days normal while the turmoil continues in our hearts and/or minds. The tricky part is - take away the medicine (albeit a destructive one) and you're still left with the reasons you started in the first place. The pain is still there, except now it's in clear sight. It's not until you address that underlying cause that you'll truly feel better.

    Good luck!
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