There is this over whelming feeling that there is no fight left in me, that end is near. It is like a war has been going on in my head for a long time. Well the enemy are at the gates of Jerusalem and no one is fighting back. Maybe it is just the calm before the storm? I have today come to realize that anxiety, self harm, drinking, gambling, this is all the good side of my brain fighting the bad to keep me alive, these are the battles that they put me through. Now there are no more battles and it seems like for the first time that things are about to end, that I could actually kill myself.