I'm sorry *trigger*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by xoCherie, Aug 30, 2011.

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  1. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    I know I promised. I know I fought it for three weeks. I know I shouldn't have. But I did. I cut. I sat and watched as the blood dripped down my wrist, down my bracelets, down into the palm of my hand. I'm sorry you were too late, and even when you came, you told me off for "having such stupid feelings". All I wanted was a hug; instead I got emotional blackmail "I won't be your friend if you keep this up". What kind of friend says that, to someone that's so close to the brink?


    How do you cover them? I've got a school ball/formal in three weeks and don't have a shrug or anything to cover them
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sending you lots of hugs hun clean them well okay get some antibiotic cream that has scar reduction in it. ask the pharmacist for a cream that will cover the scars okay hugs to you
  3. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Well done for resisting for three weeks.
    I am sorry about your friend having such an unhelpful response.
  4. grinded serenity

    grinded serenity Well-Known Member

    Three weeks will turn into a month. Know why? Because two weeks turned into three, and one week turned into two. You didn't fail, you succeeded at being human. We're not Gods, we cannot stop our urges the second they come, in my experience we can only jade ourselves to the mounting pressure every day until we learn to vent it properly. That month will turn into two, and that two into four. We're jading ourselves, in my opinion. In my own experience, the only reason I don't cut anymore is because I don't need to as bad, because I've experienced enough pain to know when I need it or not. Most of the time, I don't.

    Giving an ultimatum like that is telling us to either stop breathing or we're going to die. Either way, we're going to die. If you were my friend, I'd of sat you down and talked to you and given you a hug. I wouldn't sugar coat anything though, I'd tell you emotions ARE stupid, not necessarily yours, just emotions in general. You are not stupid for having them, everybody has them. Some people deal with them better than other's do. While it seems they're the lucky ones, I think we are. At the end of the day, when everybody has the roughest day, they go home or to wherever they choose to lay their head, and they either break down or they sleep. We're gunna be the ones who sleep well.

    With all of that said; bracelets or tourniquette work. As for scars, use scar reduction cream and butterfly stitches as much as you can. Use the butterfly stitches to keep the cut closed, and as closed together as possible. When I had bad cuts, I would always pick the scab out, close the cut to get the skin together as much as possible, and keep it in place with butterfly stitches. Painful and bloody, and time consuming, but it's worth it when you see what would of been a life long scar turned into something that looks years old after a month.

    Good luck.
  5. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    @ total eclipse :
    I was lucky. They're not deep enough to scar, but it's because they're so fresh...I don't know how long it will take to heal.

    @ windlespoons :
    He's so negative...it's affecting me in bad ways. "You don't know what it's like to truly want to die, it's the most calm you will ever feel." "I'm not worried about you. I know you're not gunna kill yourself. I know what it's like to truly want to die and if you did you wouldn't be scared. And you sure as hell wouldn't be talking to anyone bout it cause you wouldn't want to be stopped." Shit like that makes me want to prove him wrong. I keep thinking if he knows what it's like, why the fuck is he still here, dragging me down?

    @ grinded serenity :
    That's all I wanted from him was a hug. Not to be told to stop acting stupid because he's sick of his friends dying. If he's so sick of it, why doesn't he help me? Instead of being a fuckwit, why doesn't he just hold me and let me know he's there for me? :(
    I'm lucky, because they aren't deep enough to need stitching

    @ all
    I went to the nurse yesterday and showed them the cuts, told about my suicidal thoughts and my not-eating. I got sent to the mental health team at the hospital, and I'm going to talk about a lot with my rape councellor today. But...my blade's still the blade's still there. There's no ice to burn my fingers instead. The urge...it's still there.
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