(Not a suicide note yet) I can't sleep or eat. Can't go outside or I'll freak out. Only thing I'm doing these days is sitting in my dark basement doing nothing. Then go to my therapist and tell her everything is okay even though I've cried more than Ive slept. And School starts soon and thats going to be... bad. I feel horrible having my friend watch as I'm going down hill. She's been doing it for 3 years, she only does it because she too nice. She's one of the most amazing people I have ever met, I could write a whole thred about her. We do everything together and we are very similar but also very different. Shes smart and is ambitious. She could be much more if I didn't waste her time. She gets in trouble because of me. I think she knows I get jealous so she doesn't go out to make more friends. We don't talk about this stuff. We are both shy people and don't talk about feeling. I wish she could know she's the reason I'm alive. But her friendship isn't enough anymore. I don't want to leave her alone but it might be better for her. Ive lost hope to live. I can't get myself to draw even though it's the only thing I'm good at. I tell myself everything is better than it used to be but its just worse. It's not even other people's fault it's just me. I also don't want to hurt my dad. I don't want to leave him with my insane mom and brother. They are just another story... But I was supossed to be the normal one. But I disappoint him everyday I breath. I don't know what the point of this was. Like my life. I've tried giving advise on here but I'm not good at that, So I'll just stop. I don't think I'll post on here anymore I've posted enough already. But anyways it doesn't matter. I'll die and dissaper like we all will. It's just a matter of time.