I'm Sorry

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ~PinkElephants~, Apr 6, 2007.

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  1. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    **I'm sorry for being who I am, sorry for being such a bitch to people(I know it's a defese mechanism).
    **I'm sorry to those who have taken my words out of context and have gotten upset over things that I have said.
    **I'm sorry for breathing, sorry for living, sorry for wasting up space on this planet.
    **I'm sorry for ever speaking my opinion b/c it's gotten me nothing but a broken heart and a head full of regret. It's gotten me nothing but pain.
    **I'm sorry for the friends that i have hurt along the way to my discovery. A discovery of what you may ask..well, the discovery of finding out my true purpose. I was born to breathe and now I was born to die. I don't deserve a life when people are out there dying and actually want to live.
    **I'm sorry that few people feel I deserve love and deserve to live. I'm sorry that my lies have decieved you into believing that.

    **I have deserved every bit of pain I have recieved over the course of my life.
    **I have deserved every heartache, every negative bit that has happened in my life i have caused and deserved.
    **I deserved to get raped(i put myself in that position so don't say otherwise). I deserved to get thrown up against walls and told I was nothing.
    **I deserved to have my mother beat me down with her words. After all, I was and am her mistake. The day I was concieved I know a part of her died with the realization that she had me to deal with. I deserved her words, her hate, her viciousness, I still deserve it because I am the nothing that she said I would be.
    **She told me once I would never commit suicide b/c I wasn't strong enough. I will prove that theory wrong, when I will not say and how I will not say but eventually it will happen. This is NOT a cry for help, this is me venting and letting people know that I'm not okay. The fake smiles, and the laughs a facade as the real Kelly is barely ever seen. Few people hve seen that mask come off and the tears come. If Im on skype and i feel that kelly coming out i mute teh call or simply hang up.

    **I'm sorry. That's all I can say. Sorry for being me..sorry for living such a lie for so many years. Sorry that most of you will never know the real me.
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    :sad: Kells :sad:

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
  3. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    please dont feel sorry for me. i brought everything onto myself. Granted Ester, we are not on the best of tracks right now, I pretty much deleted you off of everything for reasons you know, but thanks for the hugs even though i dont think they will help things at all. People say and do things for reasons beyond anyones knowledge except their own. I dont have regrets i suppose, i just know that i've fucked things up royally.
  4. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    You definitely DID NOT deserve to be violated, or viciously abused by your parent. Nobody does. You have suffered agony because of the despicable behaviour of others. There's so much pain emanating from the words in your post. :sad: I feel it. You do deserve love, and it's the lack of love that you've received which saddens me.

    It's impossible for a victim to be blamed for a crime committed against them by the perpetrator. None of these things are your fault kanani79. None. There is nothing for you to feel guilty about. Please remember that.
  5. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member


    my parent(s) didnt vicioulsy attack me. I was raped by my first boyfriend. My mom just beats me down with words and throws her self hate onto me.

    As for deserving it..i deserve everything i get.
  6. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    The fact that you deleted me, is something I'd expected and I really don't blame you for it, I'd have done the same in your position Kells. However, that doesn't mean I dont care for you anymore. I still do, which is why I sent you the hugs. Honestly if I'd known what to say or how to help, I would've done it. Unfortunately I don't see how I could help you, yet I wanted to show you that I do care, hence the hugs. :hug:
  7. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    And you do NOT deserve all of this Kelly, you definitely do NOT deserve this!
  8. Deathly Strike

    Deathly Strike Well-Known Member

    Don't blame yourself for what you're twat of a boyfriend did. If anyone should be sorry, it should be him. You're a lovely gal, Kan - don't be sorry for anything.

  9. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    Kel, you're amazing, you dont have to be sorry, otherwise so many people should be sorry. Its just what humans do. But you dont fucking deserve all of this. Amazing persons like you, deserve an amazing life.
    And if you're thinking you're living a lie and you're feeling sorry about it, why not show us the real you? No matter what, I will still care so much about you. You're a great person and nothing will change that. I hope one day you will see it too. And realise you shouldnt be sorry and you deserve so much better.
    *big hug*
  10. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Hey Kels, just wanted to chime in to say no-one deserves any of those things happening to them, you are a human being with every God given right same as the next man or woman next to you, I know you're feeling pretty low right now but keep standing up for yourself, people tread on others all too willingly sometimes.
  11. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    You don't deserve the past abuse. You don't deserve to be violated and you don't deserve the pain and punishment you put yourself through. Don't be sorry for everything the majority og these things aren't your fault. You are worth wihile, whether you see it or not. WE CAN SEE IT. Hang in there sweetie, :hug:
  12. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Kells you don't need to say sorry for any of the things you mentioned. You were a victim of circumstances. You do deserve happiness, not the bad things you seem to think you should have. I know that my words to you cannot change the past, but I do offer you words of encouragement that you will find a better tomorrow. Be kind to yourself Kelly. You deserve it. :hug:
  13. I Miss You

    I Miss You Guest

    i know that we dont see eye to eye..but after reading this..i had to reply


    first of all you DID NOT deserve to be raped.it is not your fault for what happened to you..you do deserve love...you are not a bad person..you just have a lot of issues...

    you did not deserve to be abused...or thrown against the wall..you are too good for that...

    your mother was wrong for doing that...a mother is supposed to protect her child..not destroy her child...

    i see what you say about being fake and the facade ...i understand that very well...i do the same thing...trying to be happy on the outside but dying on the inside...everday

    i am glad that you broke down the walls and revealed yourself:

    now i know the real"Kelly"

    and you know what...i like her

    before i go..if you have MSN Messenger..(im not sure you do)

    i would like to give you my address:


    :i hope you understand Kelly that i am only trying to help you...i just dont want any more bad feelings between us
  14. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    you do NOT know the real me. I have divulged very littel about me in this post...and i have posted before about being raped and about my mom..if you bothered to go read some of those you'd know. You do NOT know me and you never will so don't claim to have the best interest for me. I have told you before that I don't want your help and that i dont need it. Im sorry you wasted your breath on replying to this but you shouldn't have because all it's done now is fueled my fire and made me more angry.

    I have friends on this site that barely know about me at all. I talk to people nearly everyday on this site and they know maybe 10% of my life out of 100% so don't claim to know the real me. I hope that this doesnt get editted i see nothing wrong in my post..and drew i will never MSN you b/c id ont want your help. As mean as this si I'm sorry but ive told you at least 50 times to leave me alone..ive asked nicely and now im posting it in a thread and mods now know that you are bothering. I have told you since day one that I wanted no help from you especially when i got those PM's about you "loving me". I have tried to be nice drew, i have tried to mean and blunt..what do i need to resort to next to let you know to leave me alone?
  15. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Maybe you want this reply, maybe not (bit scared to respond, but want to anyway).

    Just wanted to say that if you ever need a rant or anything, my PM box is always open.

    Hang in there honey.

    Remember your great day? Read over that. Things might seem crap now, but you can have that sunny day again.

    Just let me know if I can do anything

    Take care
  16. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    i would never yell at you for your reply the history with drew and i go beyond fixable..i have no issues with you i think you are a sweet girl. I have reread my happy post and it just seems so far away and so unattainable. Thank you for your thought and concern. :hug:
  17. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member


    I just didn't want to step on any toes, that's all.

    It may seem so far away, but it could just be around the corner again. You never know how you will feel in the morning when you wake up. Maybe tomorrow will be a great day again, maybe the next day. Hang in there for that day.

    Just know that I am here if you ever need a random to rant at or anything

    Take care of yourself.
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