I'm sorry

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Scum, Mar 13, 2009.

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  1. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm really trying but I can't. This is killing me. Slow suicide. I'm dying, effectively.
     
  2. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    ARe you ok? Need someone to talk to? Im here for you anytime!
     
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the speedy reply :)

    No, I'm not particularly ok, but I'm not sure what I can actually do about that. Really, I'm not in crisis, I don't think, I'm just siucidal and carrying out a specific act that will eventually kill me and has come close twice before, so close that professionals couldn't believe I was still alive and said I should be dead. This should be in the xuicide forum but I couldn't bear to put it there. :(

    Sorry.
     
  4. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member


    Please stop what it is you are doing and talk to me! Pm, here, wherever you feel more comfortable. I don't want anything to happen to you!
     
  5. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It's ok, I'm not in any immediate danger. I'm talking a couple of weeks or so. It's a longer short term project.

    Unfortunately there is nothing to say. My T says I have psychotic tendencies and they have been awoekn, she told me that I have something else too, but I disagree. She's reallty trying with me. I was supposed to see my GP this arvo but my Brain (thats what causes my dissociation, although recently I've been wondering if its not actually my brain, but some sort of microchip) told me to OD before going so I had to cancel the appointment. I don't know what's happening. Or what to believe, or what's real.

    I jsut want out.
     
  6. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member


    I want you around for a long time to come, not a short term basis. Are you on meds right now? If so, they may not be working properly, may need adjusting or changed entirely. I can understand the Brain telling you to do things as that is what mine feels like with my alters most of the time. it is a never ending thing and yes it does make it worse when you can't distinguish if it is real or not. Try to hold on to the fact that reality is there, sometimes doing things like touching a hard surface to bring you back to reality or clapping your hands really loudly or something that will "shock" your brain into that reality.

    Please knwo im here for you! dont give up on yourself, as I am not giving up on you at all!

    Karren
     
  7. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Massive hugs :arms:.

    Sorry I don't have anything helpful to say, I am thinking of you though. xx
     
  8. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Thankas guys,.

    NBo, I'm not on any meds at all. I don't think there's anything wrong with me, to be honest. I think I'm ok and don't need meds, and they have tried 6 different anti deps on me but nothing else, so they obvisuoyl agree, especially as nothing wrked. So nothing wrong with me.

    I'm just evil and need to relieve this world of my presence.
     
  9. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    You aren't evil! i see alot of good in you! You are supportive and all around good person. Just because those 6 different meds didn't work , doesn't mean there isn't one out there that will. I have been on so many different meds, can't even begin to count, and im still searching! I want so much to be of help to you if I can. Please keep in touch with me.

    karren
     
  10. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    You're not evil.

    Don't give up about the meds I know it's frustrating having been on a lot myself but there will be one out there for you. xx
     
  11. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I don't need meds. There is nothing wrong with me. I just have to die. And I am, I can feel the affect on my body already, breathlessness, chest pain, tiredness. Not enough yet, but it will be. I just need to die.
     
  12. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Why do you think that you need to die?

    :hug:
     
  13. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I was going to say 'It's just right', but actually, I'm fed up, and I'm heading towards this and I'm petrified but I can't stop myself. Each time I do X, I want to do it more. It's terrifying the shit out of me.
     
  14. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    How's therapy going?
     
  15. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    They are trying to kill me :( And control me. They aren't safe.
     
  16. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    I wanted to start this as. - God...

    But i don't believe in Him anymore.

    So i'll only say i hear you. I know you are suffering so badly. I want to say something to help but i'm not sure i can. I feel physical pain, it is stabbing away at my heart, and my anger is causing me chest pain. It is not what you described but it is almost too much at times.

    I know you have lots of health professionals that are trying to help you, and there is not much i can say to help more. But i wanted to say i care. I know the 'need' to die, it is horrific to explain, so just know i'm here. I may not be in anyway helpful but i'll listen for as long as i can.

    And i truly wish i could call you anything BUT scum!
     
  17. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I feel so fucked in the head today. I woke up this morning craving my counsellor (that's the 'Little Scum') and wanting a hug from her (which she doesn't give anyway, but it's what 'Little Scum' craves from her), but then I know she is also trying to kill me, so where the fuck is the logic in that?!?!?!?!!?

    I feel so, so confused, and scared.



    And thanks for the reply SS, it does mean a lot, so thank you.
     
  18. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Have you told them this is what you're thinking?
     
  19. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Yes, I todl her I knew what they were doing and I asked her why me. Why was I chosen, or did my parents choose me, or did I do something for them to do this to me. She told me she couldn't give me an answer I would accept. I beggefd her for one and bawled my eyes out down the phone to her. There's nothing wrong with me. The professionals made me so fucked. I'm a sport.
     
  20. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Do you see anyone besides a counsellor? A psychiatrist or even your GP regularly?

    I don't think they are really out to kill you hun but I do think it's worth talking these things over with your doctor.

    :arms:
     
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