Im sorry im so god damned pathetic that I can't even be who I really am around anyone. Im sorry that no matter how hard I try to be a good person I always feel like im just a shit human being because everybody around me is never happy. I'm sorry that I feel this way, and that I probably will never be ok. BUT most of all im sorry that I'm always posting here about how I feel dead, or cold or what have you, and wasting everybodys time just so maybe I can feel a little better, im nothing but the selfish ass everyone says I am, and I wish to high hell I wasen't Posting this on here makes me seem even more like a hypocrit, but I have nowhere else to go so, why not here, why not now. And know that the following statements are directed at people in my life personally, not at any of you who have done nothing but be helpful and supporting. If im selfish, then you all need to look in a god damned mirror for a moment and take a cold hard look at each and everyone of yourselfs. I do NOTHING but try and help you, to be a good friend, a good son, a good brother, but its just never enough for any of you is it? I have to sit here as you use me as an emotional punching bag, and on bad days a Physical one? I just need to pretend that im happy, that everything is okay? Cause I have it SOO easy right? The constant beatings, being the "mistake child" of the family, having my mom hate me for being the reason she married my dad, or my dad hating me simply because im just not good enough to be HIS child? I could go on but hell its not like your pricks are listening, you NEVER listen to me, even when im screaming for help, begging that someone wil hear me know that they never will. I'm sorry im here, I'm sorry im not normal, I'm sorry im gay, I'm sorry you all just seem to hate me, and I'm sorry that im still alive cause I can't even kill myself right....... I need a hug right now.... I'm sorry to all of you on SF, I really shouldn't be here, im not worth it, never have been, never will be. But typing this made me feel.... well not as bad. Thank you for listening, I hope this made sence.